This damaged capacitor seems to be fire-proof as well as broken. Is there anything it CAN'T do (besides work)?

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

Vossler Industries All-Natural Artificial-Fish-Derived Food Product

Changes the description of an item in your backpack

Changes the name of an item in your backpack

Changes the name of an item in your backpack

Used to open locked supply crates.

Used to open locked supply crates.

Used to open locked supply crates.

Used to open locked supply crates.

Used to open locked supply crates.

Used to paint other items.

Used to paint other items.

Used to paint other items.

Used to paint other items.

Used to paint other items.

Used to paint other items.

Used to paint other items.

Used to paint other items.

Used to paint other items.

Used to paint other items.

Used to paint other items.

Used to paint other items.

Used to paint other items.

Used to paint other items.

Used to paint other items.

Used to paint other items.

Used to open locked RoboCrates.

Don't leave your friends hanging.

This is a press-and-hold taunt. Hold down the action slot key to remain in the taunt's pose.

Share a good natured laugh with everyone except that one guy you just shot.

Remind those ungrateful bastards how valuable your Medic skills are by striking a heroic pose accompanied by an angelic choir, beams of divine light, and a flock of doves.

Present this ticket in Mann vs. Machine to play Mann Up Mode on an official server to earn rare items and track progress on your Tour of Duty Badge.

Present this ticket in Mann vs. Machine to play Mann Up Mode on an official server to earn rare items and track progress on your Tour of Duty Badge.

Present this ticket in Mann vs. Machine to play Mann Up Mode on an official server to earn rare items and track progress on your Tour of Duty Badge.

Present this ticket in Mann vs. Machine to play Mann Up Mode on an official server to earn rare items and track progress on your Tour of Duty Badge.

Present this ticket in Mann vs. Machine to play Mann Up Mode on an official server to earn rare items and track progress on your Tour of Duty Badge.

Present this ticket in Mann vs. Machine to play Mann Up Mode on an official server to earn rare items and track progress on your Tour of Duty Badge.

Present this ticket in Mann vs. Machine to play Mann Up Mode on an official server to earn rare items and track progress on your Tour of Duty Badge.

Present this ticket in Mann vs. Machine to play Mann Up Mode on an official server to earn rare items and track progress on your Tour of Duty Badge.

Present this ticket in Mann vs. Machine to play Mann Up Mode on an official server to earn rare items and track progress on your Tour of Duty Badge.

Present this ticket in Mann vs. Machine to play Mann Up Mode on an official server to earn rare items and track progress on your Tour of Duty Badge.

Present this ticket in Mann vs. Machine to play Mann Up Mode on an official server to earn rare items and track progress on your Tour of Duty Badge.

Present this ticket in Mann vs. Machine to play Mann Up Mode on an official server to earn rare items and track progress on your Tour of Duty Badge.

Present this ticket in Mann vs. Machine to play Mann Up Mode on an official server to earn rare items and track progress on your Tour of Duty Badge.

Present this ticket in Mann vs. Machine to play Mann Up Mode on an official server to earn rare items and track progress on your Tour of Duty Badge.

Present this ticket in Mann vs. Machine to play Mann Up Mode on an official server to earn rare items and track progress on your Tour of Duty Badge.

Present this ticket in Mann vs. Machine to play Mann Up Mode on an official server to earn rare items and track progress on your Tour of Duty Badge.

Present this ticket in Mann vs. Machine to play Mann Up Mode on an official server to earn rare items and track progress on your Tour of Duty Badge.

Present this ticket in Mann vs. Machine to play Mann Up Mode on an official server to earn rare items and track progress on your Tour of Duty Badge.

Present this ticket in Mann vs. Machine to play Mann Up Mode on an official server to earn rare items and track progress on your Tour of Duty Badge.

Present this ticket in Mann vs. Machine to play Mann Up Mode on an official server to earn rare items and track progress on your Tour of Duty Badge.

Present this ticket in Mann vs. Machine to play Mann Up Mode on an official server to earn rare items and track progress on your Tour of Duty Badge.

Present this ticket in Mann vs. Machine to play Mann Up Mode on an official server to earn rare items and track progress on your Tour of Duty Badge.

Present this ticket in Mann vs. Machine to play Mann Up Mode on an official server to earn rare items and track progress on your Tour of Duty Badge.

Is an enemy player questioning your skills, personal hygiene, and/or ancestry?
Use these stylish firearms to challenge them to a duel!
See the Mann Co. Catalog for full details.

Is an enemy player questioning your skills, personal hygiene, and/or ancestry?
Use these stylish firearms to challenge them to a duel!
See the Mann Co. Catalog for full details.

Is an enemy player questioning your skills, personal hygiene, and/or ancestry?
Use these stylish firearms to challenge them to a duel!
See the Mann Co. Catalog for full details.

Is an enemy player questioning your skills, personal hygiene, and/or ancestry?
Use these stylish firearms to challenge them to a duel!
See the Mann Co. Catalog for full details.

Is an enemy player questioning your skills, personal hygiene, and/or ancestry?
Use these stylish firearms to challenge them to a duel!
See the Mann Co. Catalog for full details.

Is an enemy player questioning your skills, personal hygiene, and/or ancestry?
Use these stylish firearms to challenge them to a duel!
See the Mann Co. Catalog for full details.

Is an enemy player questioning your skills, personal hygiene, and/or ancestry?
Use these stylish firearms to challenge them to a duel!
See the Mann Co. Catalog for full details.

Is an enemy player questioning your skills, personal hygiene, and/or ancestry?
Use these stylish firearms to challenge them to a duel!
See the Mann Co. Catalog for full details.

Is an enemy player questioning your skills, personal hygiene, and/or ancestry?
Use these stylish firearms to challenge them to a duel!
See the Mann Co. Catalog for full details.

Is an enemy player questioning your skills, personal hygiene, and/or ancestry?
Use these stylish firearms to challenge them to a duel!
See the Mann Co. Catalog for full details.

Is an enemy player questioning your skills, personal hygiene, and/or ancestry?
Use these stylish firearms to challenge them to a duel!
See the Mann Co. Catalog for full details.

Is an enemy player questioning your skills, personal hygiene, and/or ancestry?
Use these stylish firearms to challenge them to a duel!
See the Mann Co. Catalog for full details.

Is an enemy player questioning your skills, personal hygiene, and/or ancestry?
Use these stylish firearms to challenge them to a duel!
See the Mann Co. Catalog for full details.

Is an enemy player questioning your skills, personal hygiene, and/or ancestry?
Use these stylish firearms to challenge them to a duel!
See the Mann Co. Catalog for full details.

Is an enemy player questioning your skills, personal hygiene, and/or ancestry?
Use these stylish firearms to challenge them to a duel!
See the Mann Co. Catalog for full details.

Is an enemy player questioning your skills, personal hygiene, and/or ancestry?
Use these stylish firearms to challenge them to a duel!
See the Mann Co. Catalog for full details.

Is an enemy player questioning your skills, personal hygiene, and/or ancestry?
Use these stylish firearms to challenge them to a duel!
See the Mann Co. Catalog for full details.

Is an enemy player questioning your skills, personal hygiene, and/or ancestry?
Use these stylish firearms to challenge them to a duel!
See the Mann Co. Catalog for full details.

Is an enemy player questioning your skills, personal hygiene, and/or ancestry?
Use these stylish firearms to challenge them to a duel!
See the Mann Co. Catalog for full details.

Is an enemy player questioning your skills, personal hygiene, and/or ancestry?
Use these stylish firearms to challenge them to a duel!
See the Mann Co. Catalog for full details.

Is an enemy player questioning your skills, personal hygiene, and/or ancestry?
Use these stylish firearms to challenge them to a duel!
See the Mann Co. Catalog for full details.

Is an enemy player questioning your skills, personal hygiene, and/or ancestry?
Use these stylish firearms to challenge them to a duel!
See the Mann Co. Catalog for full details.

Is an enemy player questioning your skills, personal hygiene, and/or ancestry?
Use these stylish firearms to challenge them to a duel!
See the Mann Co. Catalog for full details.

Is an enemy player questioning your skills, personal hygiene, and/or ancestry?
Use these stylish firearms to challenge them to a duel!
See the Mann Co. Catalog for full details.

Is an enemy player questioning your skills, personal hygiene, and/or ancestry?
Use these stylish firearms to challenge them to a duel!
See the Mann Co. Catalog for full details.

Is an enemy player questioning your skills, personal hygiene, and/or ancestry?
Use these stylish firearms to challenge them to a duel!
See the Mann Co. Catalog for full details.

Applies a bonus effect for a limited amount of time when used. Must first be filled at an Upgrade Station and can only be filled with one bonus type at a time.

These lovely festive ornaments are so beautifully crafted, your enemies are going to want to see them close up. Indulge them by batting those fragile glass bulbs into their eyes at 90 mph.

Provides a defensive buff that protects
nearby team members from crits
and blocks 35% of incoming damage.
Rage increases through damage taken.

Provides an offensive buff that causes
nearby team members to do mini-crits.

Your enemies will think you're making peace, right up until the terrifying moment that their hand is very seriously cut! Here's the trick: It's a broken bottle!

'Do no harm.'

Being a boon to tree-fellers, backwoodsmen and atom-splitters the world over, this miraculous matter-hewing device burns each individual molecule as it cleaves it.

Getting hit by a fish has got to be humiliating.

Be the life of the war party with these laugh-inducing punch-mittens.

Being a revolutionary appliance capable of awakening the fire element phlogiston that exists in all combustible creatures, which is to say, all of them.

Your friends (enemies) will squeal with delight (be consumed with fire) when you cover them in sparkly rainbows (all-consuming fire). (Equips Pyrovision.)

Alt-Fire: Detonate flare.

Winds of Gravel Pit
Scout brings on his fan!
You are marked for death

Being a device that flouts conventional scientific consensus that the molecules composing the human body must be arranged "just so", and not, for example, across a square-mile radius.

Being an innovative hand-held irradiating utensil capable of producing rapid pulses of high-amplitude radiation in sufficient quantity as to immolate, maim and otherwise incapacitate the Irish.

Players heal 60% of the damage done
to an enemy covered with milk.

It's the perfect gift for the man who has everything: an icicle driven into their back. Even rich people can't buy that in stores.

Start off with low health
Kill somebody with this knife
Steal all of their health

Take manual control of your Sentry Gun

Take manual control of your Sentry Gun

While under the effects, move speed is increased,
damage done and taken will be mini-crits,
and the player may only use melee weapons.

Who needs bread?

While under the effects, +25% movement speed and damage done and damage taken will be mini-crits.

Can't overheal.
Move at the speed of any faster heal target.

ÜberCharge provides 75% resistance to a selected damage type. You are healed for 25% of the matched incoming damage on your heal target.

ÜberCharge provides 75% resistance to a selected damage type. You are healed for 25% of the matched incoming damage on your heal target.

Mann Co.'s latest in high attitude
break-action personal defense.

A special no-damage stickybomb launcher for learning stickybomb jump tricks and patterns.

The ultimate in semi-concealed weaponry.
There's no question you need this gun,
the only question is: where will you keep it?

Combines style with stopping power.
Long exclusive to Freelance Police,
now available for other blood-thirsty mercenaries.

Spiky end goes into other man.

Spiky end goes into other man.

A special no-damage rocket launcher for learning
rocket jump tricks and patterns.

We gave peace a chance. It didn't work.

Custom decals can be applied to this item.

We gave peace a chance. It didn't work.

Custom decals can be applied to this item.

Each scoped headshot decreases the weapon's charge time.
A scoped body shot or miss reduces the bonus.

Heads will roll.

With buff, some damage
Dished out by nearby teammates
Comes back as healing

With buff, some damage
Dished out by nearby teammates
Comes back as healing

High-yield Scottish face removal.
A sober person would throw it...

Being a tool that eliminates exertion by harnessing the electrical discharges of thunder-storms for the vigorous coercion of bolts, nuts, pipes and similar into their rightful places. May also be used to bludgeon.

This shoulder-mounted feathered friend comes in any color you like, and is so full of whiskey it couldn't fly off if it wanted to. Great to have around if you decide to eat it—just turn your head and bite!

This matching henchman's boots, belt and pocket combo lets you run away from things, keep your pants up and carry what's left of your dignity at the same time.

This duffel comes with leather straps so all your money doesn't fall out. The leather straps also don't tighten all the way, so some money WILL fall out, and ladies will know how rich you are. (Answer: Very. Also handsome.)

Any day can be the Fourth of July if you just believe. It also helps if you have a bag of fireworks – like the Pyrotechnic Tote - you can set off to distract people when they try to tell you that you can't take the day off to eat hot dogs and get drunk at the park. Is this not America, Samuel? Do we not have the freedom to vomit in our own shoes?

Concerned about your many stalkers going through your garbage while you're at work? Rest easy with the Scrap Sack, which lets you keep an eye on your secret-filled trash at all times.

Earned at level 75.
This badge tracks your duel statistics.
Increase its level by winning duels!

Even though you were late to the party, you were still the life of it.

Your Mann Up progress through Operation Steel Trap is saved on this badge.

Your Mann Up progress through Operation Mecha Engine is saved on this badge.

Your Mann Up progress through Operation Gear Grinder is saved on this badge.

Your Mann Up progress through Operation Oil Spill is saved on this badge.

<no employment record found>

And kill, and break, and smash, and bite. Mainly maim, though.

Oh my goodness! Is it Balloonicorn? The Mayor of Pyroland? Don't be ridiculous, we're talking about an inflatable unicorn. He's the Municipal Ombudsman. Between you and me, Balloonicorn's a joke down at City Hall. Gary Brottman, the inflatable Sewer Superintendent, is sleeping with Balloonicorn's wife. Anyway, when he's riding around on your shoulder don't mention ANY of this to him, because Balloonicorn is on a hair trigger and he's usually pretty drunk.

These coarsely woven bandages were stolen from a mummy being prepped for surgery in an ancient Egyptian pyramid hospital. They're filthy! But priceless.

For the first time in history, batteries are included with your purchase of Demo's battery Bandolier. Because, well, you're purchasing batteries. We should have said, for the first time in history [except for all those times you bought batteries].

When you were a kid, all you wanted was to play the bongos. But then you grew up and, like all of us, realized you're not as good at bongos as Matthew McConaughey. Well, guess what, pal: Nobody is, or ever will be. (Equips Pyrovision.)

Amaze your friends! Impress women! Walk with a limp for life! It's grotesque!

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. And sometimes, as is the case with this hand-rolled Soldier cigar, it's gravel, manure, human hair, and taco seasoning wrapped up in old band-aids.

'Burn him with fire!' 'No, burn him with fire, then hit him with an axe!'

'Burn him with fire!' 'No, burn him with fire, then hit him with an axe!'

Throughout the history of civilization, the white beard has come to symbolize wisdom and status. Show the world it's possible to be bearded AND stupid with this Heavy- and Soldier-specific face-nest. Shove it, civilization!

The most distinguished tape-on fire-retardant facial hair available, for the discerning gentleman of conflagration.

Nothing

So mysterious. So deadly. So nearsighted.

Splash the pot with all you got.

It'd be a damn shame to hide hair this handsome.

Experience the vicarious thrill of the tough-talking, dame-seducing gumshoe by reading the collected works of Raymond Chandler. Then take a break from all that and try on this novelty-sized cartoon dog hat.

Supporting Japanese disaster relief

Supporting Japanese disaster relief

Supporting Japanese disaster relief

I put on my wizard's hat.

You're today's theme ingredient...

If looks could kill, this dapper fellow would make your head an accomplice to murder.

Made from Australia's only natural resource.

Hey, Joe, where you going with that sticky launcher in your hand?

Suffer not a sentry to live.

A sticky-jumper's best friend.

For when you've got that healin' fever.

Way way more ghastly.

Way way more ghastly.

Way way more ghastly.

Think of this helmet as a fortified, portable home for your head. It's also lined with tin foil, so nobody will be able to steal your valuable tramp-thoughts.

Are people bothering you while you're trying to work? Just strap on The Tin-1000, stare at them unflinchingly with your soulless, red, robot eyes, and watch as they slink away in terror. It's a great way to thin out your friend circle – fast!

It gets difficult trying to calculate the total external applied torque to a body's rotational motion through its moment of momentum vector while the distracting sounds of gunfire and death are all around you. Build a better, safer machine with the silence of the Safe'n'sound!

The old West never saw this kind of class.

Mock the sun with streaks of flame as the UV rays bounce harmlessly away from your eyeballs.

You can't tell, but he's furious.

Keep one eye on your enemy and
the other one on everything else.

Ye hae ne'er glympsed a hatte whych be
as grimm as yonder hatte ye glympse upon.

Celebrate the Demo's most serious childhood injury with this gruesome mask based on his missing, haunted eye.

He had one all along...

This terrifying (innocuous) witching cap was found by the all-powerful (mediocre) wizard Merasmus in the depths of the Hades Spiral (right near the entrance of the Hades Spiral).

Express your undying hatred for the living.

Only the finest leather hats come with tattoos and piercings.

Only the finest leather hats come with tattoos and piercings.

Only the finest leather hats come with tattoos and piercings.

Sometimes you just need a little less hat.

Everyone knows that speed is a Scout's best friend. Why weigh yourself down with bulky hats when you can break the sound barrier without them?

His bullet was close.
I lost my hat.
My bullet was closer.
He lost his head.

Roast this steel ushanka in the fire and place it on your head for sustained warmth throughout the day. Make sure to come up with an impressive sounding fake anecdote for your third degree burns!

Because when you're the toughest Mother Hubbard in the fort, nobody's criticizing your fashion sense.

This hat was made of bear hands.
That bear was killed with bare hands.

Chop wood. Eat syrup. Live in Canada. This hat lets you do it all.

You can never be too careful
with Jarate around.

Give your teacher the gift of insight, paper clip and rubber band included.

When wearing such a piece of headgear it is best to keep an open mind.

If you've got it, flaunt it.
If you don't, hide it under this discreet hoodie.

From another era.

While lacking the cachet of other hats, the Gatsby nonetheless possesses its own sartorial elegance. Its understated and affable charm appeals to everyone, whether playing a round of golf with friends or performing non-elective surgery with a well-polished bonesaw.

Frog leaps into pond
Lotus blossoms fall to earth
Medic has girl's hair

Made from genuine German rabbit fur, this military-grade trappers' hat makes the perfect complement to the Officer's Ushanka. Let the officer in your life know you'll always be right behind them, with a Medigun at the ready and a matching wardrobe.

[Insert Favorite Regional Team Here]

Because a Gentleman is not one without one.

The men in his unit called him 'The Bavarian Butcher'

Like all identical twins, you were born from a cyst in your sibling's neck, grew into an evil head, and eventually sloughed off your twin in your own exact duplicate body. Now you can't tell each other apart! Take out the guesswork with this identifying demonic skullcap.

For the Gentleman who believes even his hat deserves a hat.

Get off mah land!

OSX represent!

OSX represent!

OSX represent!

OSX represent!

OSX represent!

OSX represent!

OSX represent!

OSX represent!

OSX represent!

OSX represent!

OSX represent!

OSX represent!

OSX represent!

OSX represent!

OSX represent!

OSX represent!

OSX represent!

This cute little guy was once the scourge of humanity in another time and place. Now he's content to ride on your head and keep the sun off.

This hat commemorates that time you stuck it on a broom and tricked the Feds into shooting at it for an hour while you scooted off with all that bank money. Goes great with all those bullet wounds in your torso from that time you pulled the same trick on much smarter Feds.

A select style for the scrutinizing sleuth.

I think I can safely say that nobody understands quantum mechanics. Bullet mechanics? Well now that's a different thing entirely.

It doesn't matter how much people respect you when they're on fire.

This hat adds spice to any occasion.

People will think you're in the Navy. But the joke is on them, BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT! That is just one possible benefit of this tricky hat.

Help your enemies celebrate Day of the Dead by wearing this hat and then killing them.

This impermeable, gas-tight hood keeps your head at a comfortable 350-degree temperature throughout the day. The tinted visor lets you sweat off that unsightly face fat in the privacy of your own sweltering hell.

Pyro wears this in tribute to the many firefighters who have perished trying to quell his flames.

Clears all sorts of blockage.

Every little thing is gonna be alright.

This humble hat pile of one tells the world that there are more important things in life than money. Like for instance not having any.

This humble hat pile of one tells the world that there are more important things in life than money. Like for instance not having any.

This humble hat pile of one tells the world that there are more important things in life than money. Like for instance not having any.

Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics state that 1. Robots can't harm humans and 2. Robots must obey humans, and 3. This hat looks great.

One little-known fact about parrots: They WILL peck a hole through a human pirate skull. But they can't peck through solid steel. And if they try? This baby's electrified to the tune of 10,000 volts. Your move, parrots.

One little-known fact about parrots: They WILL peck a hole through a human pirate skull. But they can't peck through solid steel. And if they try? This baby's electrified to the tune of 10,000 volts. Your move, parrots.

This brimless bonnet cap comes equipped with a satellite pom-pom that streams up-to-the-minute news relevant to the on-the-go Scotsman (golf scores, whiskey prices, when "Braveheart" is on).

If you pause that big fight scene in the classic film "Swinging Fists of Future Hercules", you can tell that's not actually famous robot actor Kirk RoboDouglas, but a cyborg stuntman. Support the unsung heroes of the silver-plated screen with this limited edition stunt helmet.

It's a historical fact that in cowboy times, cloth was hard to come by. Creative cowpokes kept the sun out of their eyes by making hats out of what they had in abundance: sheet-metal trees and bolt cactuses.

This helmet commemorates the epic Canadian Robot Football League showdown between Les Montreal Footballiers and their Manitoban rivals the Winnepeg Saskatchewans. Don't believe us? Ask any Canadian!

Commemorate history's greatest robot Canadians with this knitted steel cap. Former Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau! Optimus Prime Minister! Commander Data from the hit CBC drama Deep Space Prince Edward Island!

Invented by Nikolai Tesla in any one of his ten million appearances in crappy steampunk fiction, probably.

You love the hard-hitting Robin Williams/Nathan Lane bird prison drama "The Birdcage" so much you wish you could be thinking about it all the time. The problem: Life's many distractions. The solution: This.

"And it seems to me you lived your life / with a lightbulb in your head / wishing you had cleaned the hole / as the cephalic tetanus spread." – Elton John (words by Bernie Taupin)

Learn the secret that firefighters guard fiercely: There is no better hat to wear while entering a burning building than a metal hat. Why? The metal will absorb 100% of the heat, leaving your bare skin cool and refreshed, probably.

Are you the personification of death? Do you need to spraypaint something indoors? This skull-shaped rebreather has you covered.

When that robot selflessly gave you its hand, it assumed you'd study it to advance the field of prosthetic medicine. Sucker. Hey, everybody check me out! I'm a metal chicken! Beep beep gobble boop!

It's as if this hat fell off the tiny metal head of a dirt-stained urchinbot selling robonewspapers in 1899 Mecha-London, rolled through a time tunnel and into your modern backpack.

In 1792, Italian physicist Alessandro Volta invented the battery by mixing zinc, ammonium chloride and molten salt together. In 1932, American soft drink magnate Theophilus Bonk added sugar to this mixture and invented Bonk Cola.

Comes with x-ray specs that let you see through people's clothes while alerting them with a siren and shouted warnings that you're doing it. Great for prison aficionados who want to go to jail but don't know how.

Comes with x-ray specs that let you see through people's clothes while alerting them with a siren and shouted warnings that you're doing it. Great for prison aficionados who want to go to jail but don't know how.

This safari helmet was welded together from actual blood-spattered scraps of jeeps, rifles, shells and fillings discovered at the mauling sites of previous safaris. Wear it as a constant reminder never to do anything as stupid as go on safari.

This safari helmet was welded together from actual blood-spattered scraps of jeeps, rifles, shells and fillings discovered at the mauling sites of previous safaris. Wear it as a constant reminder never to do anything as stupid as go on safari.

What is your major malfunction, Private Robot? You had best defrag yourself or I will unscrew your head, access the CPU in your neck and fix your major malfunction!

What is your major malfunction, Private Robot? You had best defrag yourself or I will unscrew your head, access the CPU in your neck and fix your major malfunction!

Don't let those ninnies take yer good eye!

You'll be batting a thousand (skulls in) when you don this red piece of plastic!

Extra! Extra! You're frickin' dead!

You'd think this robot cap would slow Scout down, but he's actually just as fast! It's all that milk he drinks. You didn't expect this item to be a thinly veiled milk advertisement, did you? We're full of surprises today. Just wait until you try to go to sleep tonight! Ohhh boy!

Straight outta control point.

Possibly the result of pigmentation loss due to horrible experiments. Possibly a mop of some kind.

Stick it to Major League Baseball by not wearing their hat the right way.

No more bugs in your eyes as you blaze across the map.

You'd have to be a jughead not to realize this cap is the pinnacle of fashion for the discerning youth.

Any old sap can pull teeth from a dead crocodile.
It takes a man to pull teeth from a live one.

Only a master of Jarate earns the right to wear this once-white bandanna, stained yellow from the rigors of a harsh training regimen.

A hat says things about its wearer. Fedoras? Mystery, danger, and hard drinking cool. Deerstalkers? Pipe smoking, cunning, and raw intellect. The Bolted Bushman will show your friends and foes alike that you are steely, hard and... full of bolts we guess. You know what, some hats only need to say two things.

A polite, efficient hat to wear when killing everyone you meet.

This fun, all-ages activity brings history alive! All you need is a bow, an arrow, an apple, and an idiot.

Gone Snipin'.

Perfect for exploring the outback and the inside of people's heads.

This hat does not in any way, shape, or form, promote smoking or gambling.

Protects cranium from bullets and shrapnel.
Also heats soup.

The great thing about this helmet is that it stops bullets (no it doesn't)! Look at it – it's made of robot metal! Bullets can't go through robot metal (they definitely can)! There really is no way you could be harmed while wearing this helmet (there absolutely is).

I kicked your ass so hard it went back in time and got me this VIKING HAT.

This hat is a handy replacement for profanity-filled ranting when you don't feel like shouting yourself hoarse.

Get all of a boat captain's respect without the crushing responsibility of actually captaining a boat or the enormous amount of ongoing maintenance a boat requires!

A Haiku for war.
To defeat one's enemies.
Honor the crocket.

The grand achievement of
Victorian military fashion.

Humorously vellicating vitreous.

Little known fact: knights in chess travel over other pieces by rocket jumping.

For when you wish your head was a little taller,
but just as round on top.

This smooth, suave, silk-lined beauty can turn any amateur backstabber into a handsome rogue.

Has back-stabbing lost its charm? Is sneaking too simple? Try wearing this 15 pound metal hat on your head! Enjoy the meta-challenge of keeping your neck from snapping as you sap sentries! This is spine-crushing entertainment!

Because real espionage is an artform.

Nobody is not scared of a policeman from France. That is why this hat is so effective.

They say justice is blind. What they don't tell you is that justice is also invisible, and also less interested in justice than murder.

Chain-smoking Frenchman
Skulks in shadows, then attacks
Terrifying mask

Wee! It's summer! We're having fun!
AH GOD IT'S BOLTED TO HIS HEAD!

Our lawyers say 'YES! YES!'

Step into the headgear and facial hair of America's favorite aviator/filmmaker/toenail-and-Jarate collector with this hotshot aviator hat and rakish movie star moustache.

A-ha-ha! You are as PRESUMPTUOUS as you are POOR and IRISH. Tarnish notte the majesty of my TOWER of HATS.

A-ha-ha! You are as PRESUMPTUOUS as you are POOR and IRISH. Tarnish notte the majesty of my TOWER of HATS.

Expertly crafted headwear from cruelty-free farms
in the Philippines. Hollowed-out skull casing wicks
moisture away when in the heat of battle.

Do not try to bluff Sasha.

The good, the bad, and the dead.

Be the Big Man of Christmas with this fur-fringed pom-pom hat!

Celebrate Canada's birthday, on whatever day that happens, with this commemorative Canadian Prime Minister's ceremonial dress hat.

Given to generous souls who have donated to community map makers. The effect will only be visible while on a map that has been donated towards!

With these on, you can pretend you're winning.

Brown paper never looked so mildly disturbing.

The handle of this hand-forged survival knife is crammed with all of the things you'll need to survive in the wilderness, i.e. a pack of matches and three raisins.

Left 4 You.

Left 4 You.

Left 4 You.

Left 4 You.

Left 4 You.

Left 4 You.

Left 4 You.

Left 4 You.

Left 4 You.

Left 4 You.

Left 4 You.

Left 4 You.

Left 4 You.

Left 4 You.

Left 4 You.

Left 4 You.

Left 4 You.

Left 4 You.

Left 4 You.

Left 4 You.

Left 4 You.

Left 4 You.

Left 4 You.

Left 4 You.

Left 4 You.

Left 4 You.

Left 4 You.

Left 4 You.

Left 4 You.

Left 4 You.

Left 4 You.

Keep sandvich safe with sandvich safe. Okay, is good, no more description. Buy.

Linux represent!

Go incognito as a handsome man and enjoy the secret benefits of the exceptionally attractive. High-paying jobs! Erotic encounters! Free bread sticks at the Olive Garden! Eat as many as you can, though, because eventually the mask will rot off, leaving you uglier than before.

Turn routine melee attacks into environmental hate crimes with this adorable mask.

Given to those few brave soldiers whom stood guard valiantly without sleep, nourishment, or a social life.

One wolf, no moon. Collect all three!

How many crocodiles had to die to make this necklace? A lot. That's the point.

Keep little healing man close.

A cute, plushy pocket buddy.
Aw, he even has his own hat!

Sometimes we put some jokes in these descriptions. But, no joke: This looks good. Really sharp.

Enter a world of imagination that's far superior to the crap-ass worlds of imagination you get from books. Pyrovision lets you see the TF2niverse from our favorite arsonist's perspective.

A gentleman always has a flower handy to drop on an opponent's grave.

Alt-Fire: Gain increased attack power by
charging toward your enemies.

Toting around a 150-kilogram minigun gives those forearm muscles a nice workout. Show them off with these rolled-sleeved shirts, in your choice of argyle, lumberjack, rugby stripe or vertical pinstripe.

It's casual business up front, and more casual business in the back. Now: check those sides. Yep. It's casual business there too. Cover all the casual business bases with this unbuttoned suit jacket.

Look like you know what you're doing when you pronounce people dead.

Show Chinese organized crime gangs who's boss by wearing their cool tattoos without actually participating in any of their totally illegal criminal conspiracies! Note: DO NOT actually show your new tattoo to ANYONE in a Chinese organized crime gang.

This nitrogen-cooled liquor locker can only be opened by punching in its constantly evolving polyalphabetic stream cipher, or with the big metal key scotch taped to the bottom.