Being an innovative hand-held irradiating utensil capable of producing rapid pulses of high-amplitude radiation in sufficient quantity as to immolate, maim and otherwise incapacitate the Irish.

Being a tool that eliminates exertion by harnessing the electrical discharges of thunder-storms for the vigorous coercion of bolts, nuts, pipes and similar into their rightful places. May also be used to bludgeon.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

Changes the description of an item in your backpack

I'm the writer, the director, and the star.

Take a knee, boys. Now, any helmet will protect your head when you're wearing it – but what about when you're NOT? The Bolt Action Blitzer solves that problem by securing it to your skull with three one-and-a-quarter-inch coarse-thread galvanized crown bolts. Make sure it's in your favorite color, 'cause you WILL be buried in it.

Way way more ghastly.

This snappy all-class stovepipe commemorates man and monkey's joint attempt to conquer the heavens with a built-in rocket that, every year on the anniversary of the launch, might violently explode.

Being an executioner is a lot more than just killing people. Sometimes you get to torture them first. Tip: To make things interesting, why not torture someone until they yell the secret word? (Hint: the secret word is "Freedom".)

You never took a break from cp_foundry, and now you can prove it with the actual steam whistle used to call the breaks you never took!

Celebrate the Demo's most serious childhood injury with this gruesome mask based on his missing, haunted eye.

Brown paper never looked so mildly disturbing.

He had one all along...

This terrifying (innocuous) witching cap was found by the all-powerful (mediocre) wizard Merasmus in the depths of the Hades Spiral (right near the entrance of the Hades Spiral).

Turn routine melee attacks into environmental hate crimes with this adorable mask.

This cute little guy was once the scourge of humanity in another time and place. Now he's content to ride on your head and keep the sun off.

'If ye gaze upon one tome-themed badge this year, MAKE IT NOT THIS ONE!' - Merasmus the Magician'

This badge tracks your duel statistics.
Increase its level by winning duels!

Even though you were late to the party, you were still the life of it.

Oh my goodness! Is it Balloonicorn? The Mayor of Pyroland? Don't be ridiculous, we're talking about an inflatable unicorn. He's the Municipal Ombudsman. Between you and me, Balloonicorn's a joke down at City Hall. Gary Brottman, the inflatable Sewer Superintendent, is sleeping with Balloonicorn's wife. Anyway, when he's riding around on your shoulder don't mention ANY of this to him, because Balloonicorn is on a hair trigger and he's usually pretty drunk.

Skip past all the boring busywork of science and get right to the exciting part: the fabulous prizes! This prestigious ribbon certifies your bravery in the field of excellence.

Equip this item in your Action Slot and press the Action button to tell your victims you are making a Replay of their pathetic demise to share with everyone.

Applies a bonus effect for a limited amount of time when used. Must first be filled at an Upgrade Station and can only be filled with one bonus type at a time.

Builds Hype as you run. When the Hype Meter is full, unleash mini-crits!

Mann Co.'s latest in high attitude
break-action personal defense.

Players heal 60% of the damage done
to an enemy covered with milk.

While under the effects, +25% movement speed and damage done and damage taken will be mini-crits.

Winds of Gravel Pit
Scout brings on his fan!
You are marked for death

Getting hit by a fish has got to be humiliating.

Spiky end goes into other man.

Each scoped headshot decreases the weapon's charge time.
A scoped body shot or miss reduces the bonus.

Used to specify a class in blueprints

A special no-damage rocket launcher for learning
rocket jump tricks and patterns.

With buff, some damage
Dished out by nearby teammates
Comes back as healing

Provides a defensive buff that protects
nearby team members from crits
and blocks 35% of incoming damage.
Rage increases through damage taken.

Soldiers and Demos
Can duel with katanas
For a one-hit kill

This hat does not in any way, shape, or form, promote smoking or gambling.

Do the snow-pants dance with this stylish holiday ensemble from famed Arctic designer Kristoff Kringle.

Alt-Fire: Gain increased attack power by
charging toward your enemies.

Your enemies will think you're making peace, right up until the terrifying moment that their hand is very seriously cut! Here's the trick: It's a broken bottle!

High-yield Scottish face removal.
A sober person would throw it...

Movement speed increases based on ÜberCharge percentage to a maximum of +10%

Can't overheal.
Move at the speed of any faster heal target.

'Do no harm.'

While under the effects, move speed is increased,
damage done and taken will be mini-crits,
and the player may only use melee weapons.

Who needs bread?

This hat was made of bear hands.
That bear was killed with bare hands.

Being a revolutionary appliance capable of awakening the fire element phlogiston that exists in all combustible creatures, which is to say, all of them.

Your friends (enemies) will squeal with delight (be consumed with fire) when you cover them in sparkly rainbows (all-consuming fire). (Equips Pyrovision.)

Being a device that flouts conventional scientific consensus that the molecules composing the human body must be arranged "just so", and not, for example, across a square-mile radius.

Alt-Fire: Detonate flare.

Fill (split) your buddies' tummies (skulls) with delicious candy (cold steel) with this oversized sugary treat. (Equips Pyrovision.)

Being a boon to tree-fellers, backwoodsmen and atom-splitters the world over, this miraculous matter-hewing device burns each individual molecule as it cleaves it.

Being a boon to tree-fellers, backwoodsmen and atom-splitters the world over, this miraculous matter-hewing device burns each individual molecule as it cleaves it.

Improves upon Mother Nature's original
design for volcanos by increasing portability.
Modern science is unable to explain exactly
where the lava is coming from.

If you've got it, flaunt it.
If you don't, hide it under this discreet hoodie.

Did you know that fire can melt metal? Like, say you were fighting an army of robots. You could melt them! With fire! It's true! Just a fun little fact we learned today. We don't really see any practical application for the information, but it's good to learn.

When you were a kid, all you wanted was to play the bongos. But then you grew up and, like all of us, realized you're not as good at bongos as Matthew McConaughey. Well, guess what, pal: Nobody is, or ever will be. (Equips Pyrovision.)

Your BFFs (enemies) will turn their frowns upside down (confront their own mortality) as they dance a merry jig to (run in terror from) these cheery tunes (soul-destroying funeral dirges). (Equips Pyrovision.)

Humorously vellicating vitreous.

Slay it with flowers.

Start off with low health
Kill somebody with this knife
Steal all of their health

And kill, and break, and smash, and bite. Mainly maim, though.

Splash the pot with all you got.

The ultimate in semi-concealed weaponry.
There's no question you need this gun,
the only question is: where will you keep it?

The handle of this hand-forged survival knife is crammed with all of the things you'll need to survive in the wilderness, i.e. a pack of matches and three raisins.

Like all identical twins, you were born from a cyst in your sibling's neck, grew into an evil head, and eventually sloughed off your twin in your own exact duplicate body. Now you can't tell each other apart! Take out the guesswork with this identifying demonic skullcap.

These curved titanium shock-absorbers connect to the base of your spine and run down the inside of both legs. Now when you fall from a great height, the agony of impact will be absorbed, then conveniently redistributed to your whole pain-wracked body.

Experience the vicarious thrill of the tough-talking, dame-seducing gumshoe by reading the collected works of Raymond Chandler. Then take a break from all that and try on this novelty-sized cartoon dog hat.

Go incognito as a handsome man and enjoy the secret benefits of the exceptionally attractive. High-paying jobs! Erotic encounters! Free bread sticks at the Olive Garden! Eat as many as you can, though, because eventually the mask will rot off, leaving you uglier than before.

The old West never saw this kind of class.

Enter a world of imagination that's far superior to the crap-ass worlds of imagination you get from books. Pyrovision lets you see the TF2niverse from our favorite arsonist's perspective.

Alt-Fire: Detonate flare.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

Movement speed increases based on ÜberCharge percentage to a maximum of +10%