You dasher! You dancer! You prancer! You VIXEN! Pull Santa's sleigh all by yourself, you sexy little man.

You'd have to be a jughead not to realize this cap is the pinnacle of fashion for the discerning youth.

These extreme pro ski goggles let folks know there're be no bunny slopes for this guy. Not with YOUR middling-to-average ski skills. No, YOU'LL be skiing on all the intermediate slopes you can find, thank you very much—hunting out those tasty gradual inclines.

Supporting Japanese disaster relief

Supporting Japanese disaster relief

Enjoy the absolute cutting edge of nineteenth century sideburn fashion with these lustrous, face-hugging muttons. There's no meat in these chops, ladies—but there's plenty of beefcake.

If there's one thing that the ladies/men love, it's mystery. And what's more mysterious than covering your entire face with a Ninja Cowl? "Oh my, I can't see any of that man's face!" they'll exclaim. "He must have a terrible secret I will uncover with my love."

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

No need to hang this stocking over the mantle. It's already stuffed. Thanks for nothing, Santa.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

Just because you're an unknowable enigma doesn't mean you shouldn't bundle up. Remember what your mom told you... if you even HAVE one, you inscrutable person of mystery!

A special no-damage stickybomb launcher for learning stickybomb jump tricks and patterns.

Keep one eye on your enemy and
the other one on everything else.

Supporting Japanese disaster relief

Throughout the history of civilization, the white beard has come to symbolize wisdom and status. Show the world it's possible to be bearded AND stupid with this Heavy- and Soldier-specific face-nest. Shove it, civilization!

Adding this Strange Part to a Strange-quality weapon will enable it to track the number of headshot kills you make with that weapon.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

Hoist the mainsail! Buckle those swashes! Get into a swordfight! Pirate captains yell stuff like this all the time, and now you can too.

Because when you're the toughest Mother Hubbard in the fort, nobody's criticizing your fashion sense.

This hat was made of bear hands.
That bear was killed with bare hands.

A special no-damage rocket launcher for learning
rocket jump tricks and patterns.

You wouldn't mind if I read this top secret document with my beard, would you?

You'll be batting a thousand (skulls in) when you don this red piece of plastic!

It doesn't matter how much people respect you when they're on fire.

Fool your enemies into thinking you can see better! Here's the trick: You won't be able to see at all!

If owls are so smart, why did this one let you glue it to your shoulder? Come to think of it, neither one of you is looking like a super-genius on this one.

Science fact: the human brain is 70% more effective when exposed to oxygen. Fashion fact: the human brain is 90% cooler-looking when you glue lots of Radio Shack stuff to it. Finally, an item that capitalizes on both.

Since time immemorial man has had two dreams: the dream of flying, and the dream of tricking people into thinking your ass is haunted. Airplanes took care of the easy dream. This miracle ass lantern tackles the other.

Need a scarecrow but you're short on wood and straw? Why not capture the Spy, stitch his mouth shut, give him buttons for eyes and stick him in your corn field? He probably won't mind. Everybody likes corn.

For hundreds of years, women have enjoyed all the perks of being a witch (making potions, having warts, getting burned alive) while men stood on the sidelines. No longer! Break through that haunted glass ceiling with the Crone's Dome.

Being an executioner is a lot more than just killing people. Sometimes you get to torture them first. Tip: To make things interesting, why not torture someone until they yell the secret word? (Hint: the secret word is "Freedom".)

Scare your friends into thinking you're carrying around deadly grenades. Bask in their relief when it turns out they're only harmless human skulls.

It's a well-known fact that we only use 10% of our brain power. Which means there's a 90% chance that anything you do to your brain is only going to make you smarter. Like letting it float around in plutonium. Let's be honest, doing nothing isn't making you any smarter.

From Hell! Size 666! Outside of Hell, that's a 5 1/2. Men's! Experience the agonizing terror of tiny man feet!.

Get these now, before Glenn Danzig finds out about them and buys them all! Seriously, you can have a world where these spooky sleeves are in stock, or a world where Glenn Danzig exists, but not both! Hurry! He's googling "spooky sleeves" RIGHT NOW!

"Daddy, what does your skull look like?" "I guess we'll never know, thanks to my stupid face." Pow-zoop! Zipperface! Never look like an idiot in front of your kids again!

These cheery (but terrifying!) balloons are made from the actual inflated faces of ghosts. Order now, before those uppity ghost rights activists get wind of this and shut it down.

Have an actual ghost of Mann Co.'s first doomed monkeynaut expedition haunt your shoulder! Unlike the many other doomed monkeynaut expeditions undertaken by Mann Co., Operation Banana Catapult was unique in that no space shuttles were even used.

Celebrate the life of Grand Duchess Anastasia Nikolaevna with this somber historical costume. Enjoy this replica of the tutu she wore while governing Russia from atop her hundred-foot-tall gumdrop throne.

Celebrate the life of Grand Duchess Anastasia Nikolaevna with this somber historical costume. Enjoy this replica of the fairy wings she wore while governing Russia from atop her hundred-foot-tall gumdrop throne.

Celebrate the life of Grand Duchess Anastasia Nikolaevna with this somber historical costume. Enjoy this replica of the tiara she wore while governing Russia from atop her hundred-foot-tall gumdrop throne.

Take a hike, dogs--there's a new Man's Best Friend on the market. Your pet ghost is guaranteed to be loyal (he's dead! He doesn't know anybody else!), great around children (he used to be one!), and house-trained (ghosts don't poop).

The power of Christ compels you... to get this snazzy exorcizing outfit!

Bones: They hold your body up, keep all your meat in place, and they're all that separates us from jellyfish. Why keep them inside, where they can't get the acclaim they deserve? Here's to you, bones.

The perfect accessory for maintaining anonymity while stealing rings from midgets.

Unlike other survival packs, this handy last-aid kit rightly assumes that the moment you're in a survival situation, you are going to die. Just pull the ripcord to inflate the minature coffin into a standard corpse-sized one that you can die right into.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

Do the snow-pants dance with this stylish holiday ensemble from famed Arctic designer Kristoff Kringle.

Our lawyers say 'YES! YES!'

OSX represent!

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[Insert Favorite Regional Team Here]

Give your teacher the gift of insight, paper clip and rubber band included.

Take a knee, boys. Now, any helmet will protect your head when you're wearing it – but what about when you're NOT? The Bolt Action Blitzer solves that problem by securing it to your skull with three one-and-a-quarter-inch coarse-thread galvanized crown bolts. Make sure it's in your favorite color, 'cause you WILL be buried in it.

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Don't leave your friends hanging.

This is a press-and-hold taunt. Hold down the action slot key to remain in the taunt's pose.

Alt-Fire: Gain increased attack power by
charging toward your enemies.

This terrifying (innocuous) witching cap was found by the all-powerful (mediocre) wizard Merasmus in the depths of the Hades Spiral (right near the entrance of the Hades Spiral).

This smooth, suave, silk-lined beauty can turn any amateur backstabber into a handsome rogue.

While under the effects, move speed is increased,
damage done and taken will be mini-crits,
and the player may only use melee weapons.

Who needs bread?

High-yield Scottish face removal.
A sober person would throw it...

Don't let those ninnies take yer good eye!

Given to generous souls who have donated to community map makers. The effect will only be visible while on a map that has been donated towards!

A symbol of service in the Venusian legions.

Being a boon to tree-fellers, backwoodsmen and atom-splitters the world over, this miraculous matter-hewing device burns each individual molecule as it cleaves it.

We gave peace a chance. It didn't work.

Custom decals can be applied to this item.

The handle of this hand-forged survival knife is crammed with all of the things you'll need to survive in the wilderness, i.e. a pack of matches and three raisins.

Go incognito as a handsome man and enjoy the secret benefits of the exceptionally attractive. High-paying jobs! Erotic encounters! Free bread sticks at the Olive Garden! Eat as many as you can, though, because eventually the mask will rot off, leaving you uglier than before.

Experience the vicarious thrill of the tough-talking, dame-seducing gumshoe by reading the collected works of Raymond Chandler. Then take a break from all that and try on this novelty-sized cartoon dog hat.

These curved titanium shock-absorbers connect to the base of your spine and run down the inside of both legs. Now when you fall from a great height, the agony of impact will be absorbed, then conveniently redistributed to your whole pain-wracked body.

Linux represent!

Being a tool that eliminates exertion by harnessing the electrical discharges of thunder-storms for the vigorous coercion of bolts, nuts, pipes and similar into their rightful places. May also be used to bludgeon.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
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You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

Heads will roll.

This wool cap/granny glasses combo fits any assassin, whether he's saving orphans in heated gun battles with the mob or impersonating lead guitarists in world-famous Irish rock bands.

Attention, tramps! Are you MAN enough to carry around cans full of expired soup? Are you CRAZY enough to pretend they're grenades? Are you HUNGRY enough to probably eat the soup later, when nobody's looking? We bet yes!

Think of this helmet as a fortified, portable home for your head. It's also lined with tin foil, so nobody will be able to steal your valuable tramp-thoughts.

This hat commemorates that time you stuck it on a broom and tricked the Feds into shooting at it for an hour while you scooted off with all that bank money. Goes great with all those bullet wounds in your torso from that time you pulled the same trick on much smarter Feds.

This duffel comes with leather straps so all your money doesn't fall out. The leather straps also don't tighten all the way, so some money WILL fall out, and ladies will know how rich you are. (Answer: Very. Also handsome.)

This shoulder-mounted feathered friend comes in any color you like, and is so full of whiskey it couldn't fly off if it wanted to. Great to have around if you decide to eat it—just turn your head and bite!

This handsome leather cylinder improves on the diary in every way. Do you have secret thoughts? Write 'em down, ball 'em up, and stuff 'em in the tube. It's incredibly easy to find a thought when you need it, too. Simply empty out the tube and there they all are. You're just one simple unballing away from remembering it.

This impermeable, gas-tight hood keeps your head at a comfortable 350-degree temperature throughout the day. The tinted visor lets you sweat off that unsightly face fat in the privacy of your own sweltering hell.

It's casual business up front, and more casual business in the back. Now: check those sides. Yep. It's casual business there too. Cover all the casual business bases with this unbuttoned suit jacket.

Made from genuine German rabbit fur, this military-grade trappers' hat makes the perfect complement to the Officer's Ushanka. Let the officer in your life know you'll always be right behind them, with a Medigun at the ready and a matching wardrobe.

Toting around a 150-kilogram minigun gives those forearm muscles a nice workout. Show them off with these rolled-sleeved shirts, in your choice of argyle, lumberjack, rugby stripe or vertical pinstripe.

Your BFFs (enemies) will turn their frowns upside down (confront their own mortality) as they dance a merry jig to (run in terror from) these cheery tunes (soul-destroying funeral dirges). (Equips Pyrovision.)

When you were a kid, all you wanted was to play the bongos. But then you grew up and, like all of us, realized you're not as good at bongos as Matthew McConaughey. Well, guess what, pal: Nobody is, or ever will be. (Equips Pyrovision.)

Oh my goodness! Is it Balloonicorn? The Mayor of Pyroland? Don't be ridiculous, we're talking about an inflatable unicorn. He's the Municipal Ombudsman. Between you and me, Balloonicorn's a joke down at City Hall. Gary Brottman, the inflatable Sewer Superintendent, is sleeping with Balloonicorn's wife. Anyway, when he's riding around on your shoulder don't mention ANY of this to him, because Balloonicorn is on a hair trigger and he's usually pretty drunk.

Fill (split) your buddies' tummies (skulls) with delicious candy (cold steel) with this oversized sugary treat. (Equips Pyrovision.)

Amaze your friends! Impress women! Walk with a limp for life! It's grotesque!

Equip this item in your Action Slot and press the Action button to tell your victims you are making a Replay of their pathetic demise to share with everyone.

This fun, all-ages activity brings history alive! All you need is a bow, an arrow, an apple, and an idiot.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

He had one all along...

You can never be too careful
with Jarate around.

Suffer not a sentry to live.

Combines style with stopping power.
Long exclusive to Freelance Police,
now available for other blood-thirsty mercenaries.

Expertly crafted headwear from cruelty-free farms
in the Philippines. Hollowed-out skull casing wicks
moisture away when in the heat of battle.

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You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

Winds of Gravel Pit
Scout brings on his fan!
You are marked for death

Adding this Strange Part to a Strange-quality weapon will enable it to track the number of Heavies you kill with that weapon.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
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Being a revolutionary appliance capable of awakening the fire element phlogiston that exists in all combustible creatures, which is to say, all of them.

Though some would stop at nothing to achieve hats, you remained resolute and incorruptible in your quest for head decorations. For that, you have been rewarded.

Comes in "Flu" and "Fever" styles, depending on the epidemic you'd most like to embody while on vacation.

Like all identical twins, you were born from a cyst in your sibling's neck, grew into an evil head, and eventually sloughed off your twin in your own exact duplicate body. Now you can't tell each other apart! Take out the guesswork with this identifying demonic skullcap.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
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You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

Only the finest leather hats come with tattoos and piercings.

Express your undying hatred for the living.

When wearing such a piece of headgear it is best to keep an open mind.

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'Do no harm.'

This matching henchman's boots, belt and pocket combo lets you run away from things, keep your pants up and carry what's left of your dignity at the same time.

This item will grant you a code to receive a hat in Rift. Use it from your backpack to claim the code.

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Protect your civilian identity from those who would harm you for your complicity in nefarious deeds, and those who would punch you in the stomach for dressing up like a moth.

Spiky end goes into other man.

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There we were, assembling some collars, when we thought, "Yes, they're cool. But what's missing?" That's when we realized: lots of sharp bits welded onto the round bits.

Enter a world of imagination that's far superior to the crap-ass worlds of imagination you get from books. Pyrovision lets you see the TF2niverse from our favorite arsonist's perspective.

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You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

This bag contains one free item from the Mann Co. store! You can open it from your backpack!

Commemorate the age-old tradition of pummelling your opponents senseless on ice by sporting the stylish and practical hairdo of goons and enforcers worldwide.

Turn routine melee attacks into environmental hate crimes with this adorable mask.

It's the perfect gift for the man who has everything: an icicle driven into their back. Even rich people can't buy that in stores.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
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You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

These are famous.

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Perfect for exploring the outback and the inside of people's heads.

Alt-Fire: Detonate flare.

This dashing number will help you commit crimes of all kinds—except against fashion.

If looks could kill, this dapper fellow would make your head an accomplice to murder.

A gentleman always has a flower handy to drop on an opponent's grave.

Each scoped headshot decreases the weapon's charge time.
A scoped body shot or miss reduces the bonus.

Builds Hype as you run. When the Hype Meter is full, unleash mini-crits!

Can't overheal.
Move at the speed of any faster heal target.

Movement speed increases based on ÜberCharge percentage to a maximum of +10%

'Do no harm.'

Keep little healing man close.

Share a good natured laugh with everyone except that one guy you just shot.

Remind those ungrateful bastards how valuable your Medic skills are by striking a heroic pose accompanied by an angelic choir, beams of divine light, and a flock of doves.

The old West never saw this kind of class.

Brown paper never looked so mildly disturbing.

This cute little guy was once the scourge of humanity in another time and place. Now he's content to ride on your head and keep the sun off.

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Little known fact: knights in chess travel over other pieces by rocket jumping.

The grand achievement of
Victorian military fashion.

Be the life of the war party with these laugh-inducing punch-mittens.

Can't stop the signal.

Applies a bonus effect for a limited amount of time when used. Must first be filled at an Upgrade Station and can only be filled with one bonus type at a time.

Argghhh! You're angry! And you're small! And you need to convey these facts through a single accessory! Strap on the Grenadier Helm and send your enemies to whatever level of Dwarfish hell you deem appropriate.

Channel all the elegance and mystique of an elf with only half the pretention with the Void Monk Hair. Also included with purchase: effeminate good looks. But you already had those, didn't you, you handsome devil.

A true warrior's medal, given to those who fought before the battle even started.

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Step into the headgear and facial hair of America's favorite aviator/filmmaker/toenail-and-Jarate collector with this hotshot aviator hat and rakish movie star moustache.

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You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

Celebrate the Demo's most serious childhood injury with this gruesome mask based on his missing, haunted eye.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
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You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

E hele mākou i kahakai.

Being a tool that eliminates exertion by harnessing the electrical discharges of thunder-storms for the vigorous coercion of bolts, nuts, pipes and similar into their rightful places. May also be used to bludgeon.

Walkin' down the street to the hardcore beat while his Mann Co. boom vibrates the concrete.

A sticky-jumper's best friend.

It costs $400,000 to wear this bandanna for 12 seconds.

Scrub in... things are about to get messy.

Do not try to bluff Sasha.

Tenth Most Famous Reindeer? Not for long! Reindoonicorn may have hit rock bottom after being benched in favor of a mutant with a bioluminescent growth on his nose, but those decades spent bouncing from one halfway house to the next have given him all the grit and determination he needs to get back on top! That and the fact that he's recently been seen hanging around with nine heavily armed lunatics practically guarantees that this is one reindeer to watch out for.

This fur-lined coat/sweater combo comes with Mann Co.'s guarantee that, as with all of our products, at least three endangered species went extinct during the making of this product. Note: fur is synthetic.

Alt-Fire: Detonate flare.

From another era.

<no employment record found>

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No ritual that results in the senseless destruction of human life at the behest of an angry god is complete without a Tribal Bones necklace. Like all of our mothers weirdly happened to say, if you're going to do some human sacrifices, you gotta look the part.

Your enemies will think you're making peace, right up until the terrifying moment that their hand is very seriously cut! Here's the trick: It's a broken bottle!

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Are you man enough to wear this brightly colored cowboy hat? Just in case you're not, we slapped a half-a-skull on it to ease you into the exciting new world of wearing this hat.

Vossler Industries All-Natural Artificial-Fish-Derived Food Product

Unlike real wings, these don't help you fly at all, or have Paul McCartney in them. However, these wings ARE 100% made from Steve Winwood.

For centuries, mankind has struggled in vain to answer the question of who built this city on rock and roll. This hat/hair combo finally answers that age-old mystery: It was you!

Dress up your respirator to trick people into thinking you're a delusional maniac living in a fantasy world!

Action stars like Bruce Willis and Vin Diesel have shown us the unstoppable power of baldness. On the other hand, Nic Cage's long flowing hair was pretty great in Con Air. This male pattern baldness wig solves the problem of what (if any) hair to have, by giving you the best of both worlds. Comes with free moustache!

While the rest of your body's at war, why not treat your feet to a little taste of the tropics?

Let your enemies know you're a loose cannon by showing them how little you care about your own appearance. You've let yourself go, and have absolutely nothing to lose. Terrifying!

The first time the sun glints off of this manly mane of teased, tousled trusses, you'll wonder why you didn't get hair implants from your lower back and buttocks years ago.

Why did the chicken REALLY cross the road? To get hit by a car, stolen by a mad scientist, and transformed into a terrifying cyborg that you can wear on your head. So the next time you hear someone telling you that joke, set that smug joke-teller straight, because you've got the FACTS.

So nice of the Spy to lend an arm...

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Re-express your undying hatred for the living annually with this skull-themed hate hat.

The ultimate in semi-concealed weaponry.
There's no question you need this gun,
the only question is: where will you keep it?

And kill, and break, and smash, and bite. Mainly maim, though.

Splash the pot with all you got.

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Why fight in the sun when you could lounge in the shade?

Only for those with manly adductor halluci.

Be the Big Man of Christmas with this fur-fringed pom-pom hat!

Nothing says "Happy Holidays" quite like prickly leaves and poisonous berries pinned to your chest.

Comes in "Flu" and "Fever" styles, depending on the epidemic you'd most like to embody while on vacation.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
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You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

For the Gentleman who believes even his hat deserves a hat.

Because a Gentleman is not one without one.

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It's the perfect gift for the man who has everything: an icicle driven into their back. Even rich people can't buy that in stores.

Provides a defensive buff that protects
nearby team members from crits
and blocks 35% of incoming damage.
Rage increases through damage taken.

Mann Co.'s latest in high attitude
break-action personal defense.

Players heal 60% of the damage done
to an enemy covered with milk.

Getting hit by a fish has got to be humiliating.

Keep your hands warm and your fingers freezing with these paintable leather and suede fingerless gloves.

We gave peace a chance. It didn't work.

Custom decals can be applied to this item.

Forget coffee, lad. THIS'll wake ye up on a cold winter morning.

This weapon has a large melee range.
Gives increased speed and health
with every head you take.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
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You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

Give your opponents the gift of hesitation this holiday season when they pause to think, "Is that a cute little deer, or-" KA-BLAM! Dead.

This incinerator's insulator keeps your head a perfect 105 degrees, while muffling the hallucinations brought on by wearing a hat that slowly cooks your brain.

This badge tracks your duel statistics.
Increase its level by winning duels!

Earned by completing 28 objectives in 'The Great Steam Treasure Hunt.' Beware the Cephalopod padlock.

Alt-Fire: Detonate flare.

These lovely festive ornaments are so beautifully crafted, your enemies are going to want to see them close up. Indulge them by batting those fragile glass bulbs into their eyes at 90 mph.

Attention, tramps! Are you MAN enough to carry around cans full of expired soup? Are you CRAZY enough to pretend they're grenades? Are you HUNGRY enough to probably eat the soup later, when nobody's looking? We bet yes!

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This snappy all-class stovepipe commemorates man and monkey's joint attempt to conquer the heavens with a built-in rocket that, every year on the anniversary of the launch, might violently explode.

Left 4 You.

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You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

Being prescription shooting goggles that endeavor to relieve the eye from the reflection off one's gun barrel whilst also correcting Diplopia, Strabismus, 'Nervous Vision', Early-Onset Old-Eye, and several other varieties of structural defect.

'If ye gaze upon one tome-themed badge this year, MAKE IT NOT THIS ONE!' - Merasmus the Magician'

Way way more ghastly.

Being an innovative hand-held irradiating utensil capable of producing rapid pulses of high-amplitude radiation in sufficient quantity as to immolate, maim and otherwise incapacitate the Irish.

Being a tool that eliminates exertion by harnessing the electrical discharges of thunder-storms for the vigorous coercion of bolts, nuts, pipes and similar into their rightful places. May also be used to bludgeon.

Being a maths-enhancing hairpiece that endeavors to heighten the senses of any soul, be he a gentle-man of leisure deserving of such a thing, or a loathsome tiller of the earth of whom a beating would not go unwarranted.

Being prescription shooting goggles that endeavor to relieve the eye from the reflection off one's gun barrel whilst also correcting Diplopia, Strabismus, 'Nervous Vision', Early-Onset Old-Eye, and several other varieties of structural defect.

Being a water-soluble, highly poisonous copper crest offering mute testament to one's commitment to the sciences. Prolonged exposure may cause tissue putridity, muscle atrophy and bone softening in the infirm, elderly and those graced with child.

Being a boon to tree-fellers, backwoodsmen and atom-splitters the world over, this miraculous matter-hewing device burns each individual molecule as it cleaves it.

Being a revolutionary appliance capable of awakening the fire element phlogiston that exists in all combustible creatures, which is to say, all of them.

Being a device that flouts conventional scientific consensus that the molecules composing the human body must be arranged "just so", and not, for example, across a square-mile radius.

Being a repository of the foundational ingredients necessary for a body to live a life of leisure in space—namely one part oxygen, one part mercury, and twelve parts laudanum.

Being an invention that achieves the humanitarian goal of all great men of science, from Lord Holland to the Duke of Wellington, to allow a true gentle-man to smoke a pipe in space.

Being a highly malleable, thoroughly combustible silver crest that declares one's commitment, and intention, to immolate all creatures on God's Earth.

Your friends (enemies) will squeal with delight (be consumed with fire) when you cover them in sparkly rainbows (all-consuming fire). (Equips Pyrovision.)

Keep sandvich safe with sandvich safe. Okay, is good, no more description. Buy.

Being a device that flouts conventional scientific consensus that the molecules composing the human body must be arranged "just so", and not, for example, across a square-mile radius.

Only a master of Jarate earns the right to wear this once-white bandanna, stained yellow from the rigors of a harsh training regimen.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.