This damaged capacitor seems to be fire-proof as well as broken. Is there anything it CAN'T do (besides work)?

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

You need a Mann Co. Supply Crate Key to open this.
You can pick one up at the Mann Co. Store.

Changes the description of an item in your backpack

Add a custom decal to eligible items.

Used to paint other items.

Used to paint other items.

Used to paint other items.

Don't leave your friends hanging.

This is a press-and-hold taunt. Hold down the action slot key to remain in the taunt's pose.

Share a good natured laugh with everyone except that one guy you just shot.

Remind those ungrateful bastards how valuable your Medic skills are by striking a heroic pose accompanied by an angelic choir, beams of divine light, and a flock of doves.

Equip this item in your Action Slot and press the Action button to tell your victims you are making a Replay of their pathetic demise to share with everyone.

Present this ticket in Mann vs. Machine to play Mann Up Mode on an official server to earn rare items and track progress on your Tour of Duty Badge.

Present this voucher in Mann vs. Machine when starting Mann Up Mode. You and every person on your team will receive an extra item drop when you complete a mission.

Don't let the name fool you: These aren't actual battery canteens capable of converting stored chemical energy into electrical energy. They're just regular canteens that look identical to your water canteen and are filled with battery acid.

Is an enemy player questioning your skills, personal hygiene, and/or ancestry?
Use these stylish firearms to challenge them to a duel!
See the Mann Co. Catalog for full details.

Applies a bonus effect for a limited amount of time when used. Must first be filled at an Upgrade Station and can only be filled with one bonus type at a time.

These lovely festive ornaments are so beautifully crafted, your enemies are going to want to see them close up. Indulge them by batting those fragile glass bulbs into their eyes at 90 mph.

Provides a defensive buff that protects
nearby team members from crits
and blocks 35% of incoming damage.
Rage increases through damage taken.

Provides a defensive buff that protects
nearby team members from crits
and blocks 35% of incoming damage.
Rage increases through damage taken.

Provides a defensive buff that protects
nearby team members from crits
and blocks 35% of incoming damage.
Rage increases through damage taken.

Provides an offensive buff that causes
nearby team members to do mini-crits.

Provides an offensive buff that causes
nearby team members to do mini-crits.

Provides an offensive buff that causes
nearby team members to do mini-crits.

Provides an offensive buff that causes
nearby team members to do mini-crits.

Provides an offensive buff that causes
nearby team members to do mini-crits.

Provides an offensive buff that causes
nearby team members to do mini-crits.

Your enemies will think you're making peace, right up until the terrifying moment that their hand is very seriously cut! Here's the trick: It's a broken bottle!

Your enemies will think you're making peace, right up until the terrifying moment that their hand is very seriously cut! Here's the trick: It's a broken bottle!

Your enemies will think you're making peace, right up until the terrifying moment that their hand is very seriously cut! Here's the trick: It's a broken bottle!

'Do no harm.'

Fill (split) your buddies' tummies (skulls) with delicious candy (cold steel) with this oversized sugary treat. (Equips Pyrovision.)

Being a boon to tree-fellers, backwoodsmen and atom-splitters the world over, this miraculous matter-hewing device burns each individual molecule as it cleaves it.

Getting hit by a fish has got to be humiliating.

Getting hit by a fish has got to be humiliating.

Getting hit by a fish has got to be humiliating.

Be the life of the war party with these laugh-inducing punch-mittens.

Being a revolutionary appliance capable of awakening the fire element phlogiston that exists in all combustible creatures, which is to say, all of them.

Being a revolutionary appliance capable of awakening the fire element phlogiston that exists in all combustible creatures, which is to say, all of them.

Being a revolutionary appliance capable of awakening the fire element phlogiston that exists in all combustible creatures, which is to say, all of them.

Being a revolutionary appliance capable of awakening the fire element phlogiston that exists in all combustible creatures, which is to say, all of them.

Your friends (enemies) will squeal with delight (be consumed with fire) when you cover them in sparkly rainbows (all-consuming fire). (Equips Pyrovision.)

Your friends (enemies) will squeal with delight (be consumed with fire) when you cover them in sparkly rainbows (all-consuming fire). (Equips Pyrovision.)

Alt-Fire: Detonate flare.

Alt-Fire: Detonate flare.

Winds of Gravel Pit
Scout brings on his fan!
You are marked for death

Winds of Gravel Pit
Scout brings on his fan!
You are marked for death

Being a device that flouts conventional scientific consensus that the molecules composing the human body must be arranged "just so", and not, for example, across a square-mile radius.

Being a device that flouts conventional scientific consensus that the molecules composing the human body must be arranged "just so", and not, for example, across a square-mile radius.

Being an innovative hand-held irradiating utensil capable of producing rapid pulses of high-amplitude radiation in sufficient quantity as to immolate, maim and otherwise incapacitate the Irish.

Being an innovative hand-held irradiating utensil capable of producing rapid pulses of high-amplitude radiation in sufficient quantity as to immolate, maim and otherwise incapacitate the Irish.

Being an innovative hand-held irradiating utensil capable of producing rapid pulses of high-amplitude radiation in sufficient quantity as to immolate, maim and otherwise incapacitate the Irish.

Players heal 60% of the damage done
to an enemy covered with milk.

Take manual control of your Sentry Gun

While under the effects, move speed is increased,
damage done and taken will be mini-crits,
and the player may only use melee weapons.

Who needs bread?

While under the effects, move speed is increased,
damage done and taken will be mini-crits,
and the player may only use melee weapons.

Who needs bread?

While under the effects, move speed is increased,
damage done and taken will be mini-crits,
and the player may only use melee weapons.

Who needs bread?

While under the effects, move speed is increased,
damage done and taken will be mini-crits,
and the player may only use melee weapons.

Who needs bread?

While under the effects, move speed is increased,
damage done and taken will be mini-crits,
and the player may only use melee weapons.

Who needs bread?

While under the effects, move speed is increased,
damage done and taken will be mini-crits,
and the player may only use melee weapons.

Who needs bread?

While under the effects, move speed is increased,
damage done and taken will be mini-crits,
and the player may only use melee weapons.

Who needs bread?

While under the effects, +25% movement speed and damage done and damage taken will be mini-crits.

While under the effects, +25% movement speed and damage done and damage taken will be mini-crits.

While under the effects, +25% movement speed and damage done and damage taken will be mini-crits.

While under the effects, +25% movement speed and damage done and damage taken will be mini-crits.

ÜberCharge provides 75% resistance to a selected damage type. You are healed for 25% of the matched incoming damage on your heal target.

Mann Co.'s latest in high attitude
break-action personal defense.

Mann Co.'s latest in high attitude
break-action personal defense.

Mann Co.'s latest in high attitude
break-action personal defense.

Mann Co.'s latest in high attitude
break-action personal defense.

A special no-damage stickybomb launcher for learning stickybomb jump tricks and patterns.

A special no-damage stickybomb launcher for learning stickybomb jump tricks and patterns.

A special no-damage stickybomb launcher for learning stickybomb jump tricks and patterns.

Reserved for Molestia Discussion Time

Improves upon Mother Nature's original
design for volcanos by increasing portability.
Modern science is unable to explain exactly
where the lava is coming from.

Spiky end goes into other man.

A special no-damage rocket launcher for learning
rocket jump tricks and patterns.

Builds Hype as you run. When the Hype Meter is full, unleash mini-crits!

We gave peace a chance. It didn't work.

Custom decals can be applied to this item.

We gave peace a chance. It didn't work.

Custom decals can be applied to this item.

We gave peace a chance. It didn't work.

Custom decals can be applied to this item.

Each scoped headshot decreases the weapon's charge time.
A scoped body shot or miss reduces the bonus.

Each scoped headshot decreases the weapon's charge time.
A scoped body shot or miss reduces the bonus.

Heads will roll.

Heads will roll.

Soldiers and Demos
Can duel with katanas
For a one-hit kill

Soldiers and Demos
Can duel with katanas
For a one-hit kill

Soldiers and Demos
Can duel with katanas
For a one-hit kill

Soldiers and Demos
Can duel with katanas
For a one-hit kill

With buff, some damage
Dished out by nearby teammates
Comes back as healing

With buff, some damage
Dished out by nearby teammates
Comes back as healing

With buff, some damage
Dished out by nearby teammates
Comes back as healing

With buff, some damage
Dished out by nearby teammates
Comes back as healing

High-yield Scottish face removal.
A sober person would throw it...

High-yield Scottish face removal.
A sober person would throw it...

High-yield Scottish face removal.
A sober person would throw it...

High-yield Scottish face removal.
A sober person would throw it...

High-yield Scottish face removal.
A sober person would throw it...

This weapon has a large melee range.
Gives increased speed and health
with every head you take.

This weapon has a large melee range.
Gives increased speed and health
with every head you take.

This weapon has a large melee range.
Gives increased speed and health
with every head you take.

This weapon has a large melee range.
Gives increased speed and health
with every head you take.

This weapon has a large melee range.
Gives increased speed and health
with every head you take.

This weapon has a large melee range.
Gives increased speed and health
with every head you take.

This weapon has a large melee range.
Gives increased speed and health
with every head you take.

Movement speed increases based on ÜberCharge percentage to a maximum of +10%

Movement speed increases based on ÜberCharge percentage to a maximum of +10%

Being a tool that eliminates exertion by harnessing the electrical discharges of thunder-storms for the vigorous coercion of bolts, nuts, pipes and similar into their rightful places. May also be used to bludgeon.

Being a tool that eliminates exertion by harnessing the electrical discharges of thunder-storms for the vigorous coercion of bolts, nuts, pipes and similar into their rightful places. May also be used to bludgeon.

Being a tool that eliminates exertion by harnessing the electrical discharges of thunder-storms for the vigorous coercion of bolts, nuts, pipes and similar into their rightful places. May also be used to bludgeon.

Being a tool that eliminates exertion by harnessing the electrical discharges of thunder-storms for the vigorous coercion of bolts, nuts, pipes and similar into their rightful places. May also be used to bludgeon.

Being a tool that eliminates exertion by harnessing the electrical discharges of thunder-storms for the vigorous coercion of bolts, nuts, pipes and similar into their rightful places. May also be used to bludgeon.

Being a tool that eliminates exertion by harnessing the electrical discharges of thunder-storms for the vigorous coercion of bolts, nuts, pipes and similar into their rightful places. May also be used to bludgeon.

Being a tool that eliminates exertion by harnessing the electrical discharges of thunder-storms for the vigorous coercion of bolts, nuts, pipes and similar into their rightful places. May also be used to bludgeon.

This shoulder-mounted feathered friend comes in any color you like, and is so full of whiskey it couldn't fly off if it wanted to. Great to have around if you decide to eat it—just turn your head and bite!

This shoulder-mounted feathered friend comes in any color you like, and is so full of whiskey it couldn't fly off if it wanted to. Great to have around if you decide to eat it—just turn your head and bite!

Mecha-Medes first appeared in Archimedes' Flights of Fantasy #314 when Archimedes accidentally fell off a table into a parallel world, met his robot double, ate some seeds, squawked in terror at a half-buried Statue of Liberty, then flew into a patio door.

Using modern super-deluxe resolution graphics!

This handsome leather cylinder improves on the diary in every way. Do you have secret thoughts? Write 'em down, ball 'em up, and stuff 'em in the tube. It's incredibly easy to find a thought when you need it, too. Simply empty out the tube and there they all are. You're just one simple unballing away from remembering it.

This handsome leather cylinder improves on the diary in every way. Do you have secret thoughts? Write 'em down, ball 'em up, and stuff 'em in the tube. It's incredibly easy to find a thought when you need it, too. Simply empty out the tube and there they all are. You're just one simple unballing away from remembering it.

This duffel comes with leather straps so all your money doesn't fall out. The leather straps also don't tighten all the way, so some money WILL fall out, and ladies will know how rich you are. (Answer: Very. Also handsome.)

Your BFFs (enemies) will turn their frowns upside down (confront their own mortality) as they dance a merry jig to (run in terror from) these cheery tunes (soul-destroying funeral dirges). (Equips Pyrovision.)

Concerned about your many stalkers going through your garbage while you're at work? Rest easy with the Scrap Sack, which lets you keep an eye on your secret-filled trash at all times.

'If ye gaze upon one tome-themed badge this year, MAKE IT NOT THIS ONE!' - Merasmus the Magician'

Harness the seductive black magic of Hollywood with this commemorative clapper board—the same used by actual movie directors. Now YOU can tell Ryan Reynolds what to do!

Being a water-soluble, highly poisonous copper crest offering mute testament to one's commitment to the sciences. Prolonged exposure may cause tissue putridity, muscle atrophy and bone softening in the infirm, elderly and those graced with child.

This badge tracks your duel statistics.
Increase its level by winning duels!

A true warrior's medal, given to those who fought before the battle even started.

Your Mann Up progress through Operation Steel Trap is saved on this badge.

Your Mann Up progress through Operation Gear Grinder is saved on this badge.

These cheery (but terrifying!) balloons are made from the actual inflated faces of ghosts. Order now, before those uppity ghost rights activists get wind of this and shut it down.

Oh my goodness! Is it Balloonicorn? The Mayor of Pyroland? Don't be ridiculous, we're talking about an inflatable unicorn. He's the Municipal Ombudsman. Between you and me, Balloonicorn's a joke down at City Hall. Gary Brottman, the inflatable Sewer Superintendent, is sleeping with Balloonicorn's wife. Anyway, when he's riding around on your shoulder don't mention ANY of this to him, because Balloonicorn is on a hair trigger and he's usually pretty drunk.

Amaze your friends! Impress women! Walk with a limp for life! It's grotesque!

Amaze your friends! Impress women! Walk with a limp for life! It's grotesque!

Being a maths-enhancing hairpiece that endeavors to heighten the senses of any soul, be he a gentle-man of leisure deserving of such a thing, or a loathsome tiller of the earth of whom a beating would not go unwarranted.

Demo is already a lot like Santa Claus. They both have extensive knowledge of modern explosives, they both hate Judy Garland, and now, they can both sport a charming beard and corn cob pipe.

Demo is already a lot like Santa Claus. They both have extensive knowledge of modern explosives, they both hate Judy Garland, and now, they can both sport a charming beard and corn cob pipe.

Fact: 70% of the air you breathe was recently in someone's butt. This handy contraption runs the farty air you live in through a gauntlet of soapy water and potpourri before entering your body.

Fact: 70% of the air you breathe was recently in someone's butt. This handy contraption runs the farty air you live in through a gauntlet of soapy water and potpourri before entering your body.

Being prescription shooting goggles that endeavor to relieve the eye from the reflection off one's gun barrel whilst also correcting Diplopia, Strabismus, 'Nervous Vision', Early-Onset Old-Eye, and several other varieties of structural defect.

These are famous.

This dashing number will help you commit crimes of all kinds—except against fashion.

If looks could kill, this dapper fellow would make your head an accomplice to murder.

If looks could kill, this dapper fellow would make your head an accomplice to murder.

If looks could kill, this dapper fellow would make your head an accomplice to murder.

The Worst Damn Hat in TF2

Hey, Joe, where you going with that sticky launcher in your hand?

Suffer not a sentry to live.

Way way more ghastly.

Think of this helmet as a fortified, portable home for your head. It's also lined with tin foil, so nobody will be able to steal your valuable tramp-thoughts.

It gets difficult trying to calculate the total external applied torque to a body's rotational motion through its moment of momentum vector while the distracting sounds of gunfire and death are all around you. Build a better, safer machine with the silence of the Safe'n'sound!

You never took a break from cp_foundry, and now you can prove it with the actual steam whistle used to call the breaks you never took!

Celebrate the Demo's most serious childhood injury with this gruesome mask based on his missing, haunted eye.

He had one all along...

This terrifying (innocuous) witching cap was found by the all-powerful (mediocre) wizard Merasmus in the depths of the Hades Spiral (right near the entrance of the Hades Spiral).

Because when you're the toughest Mother Hubbard in the fort, nobody's criticizing your fashion sense.

Because when you're the toughest Mother Hubbard in the fort, nobody's criticizing your fashion sense.

You send that many men against a bandanna like this, don't forget one thing: A good supply of body bags.

Chop wood. Eat syrup. Live in Canada. This hat lets you do it all.

Chop wood. Eat syrup. Live in Canada. This hat lets you do it all.

Chop wood. Eat syrup. Live in Canada. This hat lets you do it all.

Chop wood. Eat syrup. Live in Canada. This hat lets you do it all.

Chop wood. Eat syrup. Live in Canada. This hat lets you do it all.

Chop wood. Eat syrup. Live in Canada. This hat lets you do it all.

Chop wood. Eat syrup. Live in Canada. This hat lets you do it all.

You can never be too careful
with Jarate around.

Give your teacher the gift of insight, paper clip and rubber band included.

Wrestling's real, and now you can prove it.

Wrestling's real, and now you can prove it.

Wrestling's real, and now you can prove it.

From another era.

Made from genuine German rabbit fur, this military-grade trappers' hat makes the perfect complement to the Officer's Ushanka. Let the officer in your life know you'll always be right behind them, with a Medigun at the ready and a matching wardrobe.

Get off mah land!

Get off mah land!

Get off mah land!

Get off mah land!

Get off mah land!

Get off mah land!

This cute little guy was once the scourge of humanity in another time and place. Now he's content to ride on your head and keep the sun off.

A select style for the scrutinizing sleuth.

A select style for the scrutinizing sleuth.

This impermeable, gas-tight hood keeps your head at a comfortable 350-degree temperature throughout the day. The tinted visor lets you sweat off that unsightly face fat in the privacy of your own sweltering hell.

Elegant simplicity and old-world charm combine with the intoxicating aromas of methyl alcohol and gasoline. Do not wear in unventilated areas.

Elegant simplicity and old-world charm combine with the intoxicating aromas of methyl alcohol and gasoline. Do not wear in unventilated areas.

This humble hat pile of one tells the world that there are more important things in life than money. Like for instance not having any.

This humble hat pile of one tells the world that there are more important things in life than money. Like for instance not having any.

Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics state that 1. Robots can't harm humans and 2. Robots must obey humans, and 3. This hat looks great.

Own this one-of-a-kind piece of memorabilia from the classic ‘70s film "Blaxton Hale vs. Black HAL 9000".

Own this one-of-a-kind piece of memorabilia from the classic ‘70s film "Blaxton Hale vs. Black HAL 9000".

This brimless bonnet cap comes equipped with a satellite pom-pom that streams up-to-the-minute news relevant to the on-the-go Scotsman (golf scores, whiskey prices, when "Braveheart" is on).

If you pause that big fight scene in the classic film "Swinging Fists of Future Hercules", you can tell that's not actually famous robot actor Kirk RoboDouglas, but a cyborg stuntman. Support the unsung heroes of the silver-plated screen with this limited edition stunt helmet.

If you're a rugged coal miner like us, you know the value of throwing away your mining equipment and mining in the nude so people know how tough you are. Finally there's a version for the office worker to not wear while nudely analyzing spreadsheets.

If you're a rugged coal miner like us, you know the value of throwing away your mining equipment and mining in the nude so people know how tough you are. Finally there's a version for the office worker to not wear while nudely analyzing spreadsheets.

If you're a rugged coal miner like us, you know the value of throwing away your mining equipment and mining in the nude so people know how tough you are. Finally there's a version for the office worker to not wear while nudely analyzing spreadsheets.

Most hats are made of felt, canvas or other non-durable cloths that decompose after a mere 10,000 years. The Timeless Topper's built for the long haul, with an outer layer of scrap titanium and an inner core of plastic bags, foam cups and disposable diapers.

Most hats are made of felt, canvas or other non-durable cloths that decompose after a mere 10,000 years. The Timeless Topper's built for the long haul, with an outer layer of scrap titanium and an inner core of plastic bags, foam cups and disposable diapers.

Scientists have long been baffled by the seamless metal construction of Native American grass houses and wigwams. The secret? Native Americans were filled with gasoline, and could reach a welding flame temperature of 3100 °C.

This helmet commemorates the epic Canadian Robot Football League showdown between Les Montreal Footballiers and their Manitoban rivals the Winnepeg Saskatchewans. Don't believe us? Ask any Canadian!

This helmet commemorates the epic Canadian Robot Football League showdown between Les Montreal Footballiers and their Manitoban rivals the Winnepeg Saskatchewans. Don't believe us? Ask any Canadian!

Commemorate history's greatest robot Canadians with this knitted steel cap. Former Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau! Optimus Prime Minister! Commander Data from the hit CBC drama Deep Space Prince Edward Island!

This 17th century plague mask has been upgraded for modern day masquerade-style sex parties with a built-in camera, night vision (for dimly-lit sex parties!) and state-of-the-art sex detection radar.

Whether you're a 17th century plague doctor, a professional wrestler, or a waiter at a plague-themed family restaurant, this hat lets you look the part while delivering last rites, a Tombstone Piledriver and/or plate after plate of bacon-wrapped jalapeño poppers.

Whether you're a 17th century plague doctor, a professional wrestler, or a waiter at a plague-themed family restaurant, this hat lets you look the part while delivering last rites, a Tombstone Piledriver and/or plate after plate of bacon-wrapped jalapeño poppers.

Whether you're a 17th century plague doctor, a professional wrestler, or a waiter at a plague-themed family restaurant, this hat lets you look the part while delivering last rites, a Tombstone Piledriver and/or plate after plate of bacon-wrapped jalapeño poppers.

This medical marvel improves on the obsolete doctor's head mirror by replacing the mirror part with a 10,000 watt lamp part that can be seen from space. Peer inside your patients' disease-riddled ears, noses and throats from a safe distance.

Meet the robot apocalypse in style with this puckish number, perfect for infiltrating the sentient mother computer located in the Swiss pavilion at Epcot Center.

You love the hard-hitting Robin Williams/Nathan Lane bird prison drama "The Birdcage" so much you wish you could be thinking about it all the time. The problem: Life's many distractions. The solution: This.

You love the hard-hitting Robin Williams/Nathan Lane bird prison drama "The Birdcage" so much you wish you could be thinking about it all the time. The problem: Life's many distractions. The solution: This.

You love the hard-hitting Robin Williams/Nathan Lane bird prison drama "The Birdcage" so much you wish you could be thinking about it all the time. The problem: Life's many distractions. The solution: This.

"And it seems to me you lived your life / with a lightbulb in your head / wishing you had cleaned the hole / as the cephalic tetanus spread." – Elton John (words by Bernie Taupin)

"And it seems to me you lived your life / with a lightbulb in your head / wishing you had cleaned the hole / as the cephalic tetanus spread." – Elton John (words by Bernie Taupin)

Is your Pyro made up of alternating current or direct current? Only your electrician knows for sure!

Learn the secret that firefighters guard fiercely: There is no better hat to wear while entering a burning building than a metal hat. Why? The metal will absorb 100% of the heat, leaving your bare skin cool and refreshed, probably.

Are you the personification of death? Do you need to spraypaint something indoors? This skull-shaped rebreather has you covered.

Are you the personification of death? Do you need to spraypaint something indoors? This skull-shaped rebreather has you covered.

When that robot selflessly gave you its hand, it assumed you'd study it to advance the field of prosthetic medicine. Sucker. Hey, everybody check me out! I'm a metal chicken! Beep beep gobble boop!

When that robot selflessly gave you its hand, it assumed you'd study it to advance the field of prosthetic medicine. Sucker. Hey, everybody check me out! I'm a metal chicken! Beep beep gobble boop!

They came from outer space. And they came to conquer. It was the perfect space crime. But there's just one problem. YOU. "The Metal Slug". Rated R. This Friday. On your HEAD.

Friends and loved ones will call you stupid for wearing this hat. "Hey, moron!" your mother will say. But they won't think it's so funny when you win the Backwards Swimming competition at the Olympics, and are later stripped of your medal for cheating.

It's as if this hat fell off the tiny metal head of a dirt-stained urchinbot selling robonewspapers in 1899 Mecha-London, rolled through a time tunnel and into your modern backpack.

It's inevitable that robot hot dog hats will someday become the most popular fashion accessory on the planet. And when they do, everyone will claim they liked them "before they were cool." Thanks to the Bot Dogger, only YOU will be able to prove it.

It's inevitable that robot hot dog hats will someday become the most popular fashion accessory on the planet. And when they do, everyone will claim they liked them "before they were cool." Thanks to the Bot Dogger, only YOU will be able to prove it.

This safari helmet was welded together from actual blood-spattered scraps of jeeps, rifles, shells and fillings discovered at the mauling sites of previous safaris. Wear it as a constant reminder never to do anything as stupid as go on safari.

This safari helmet was welded together from actual blood-spattered scraps of jeeps, rifles, shells and fillings discovered at the mauling sites of previous safaris. Wear it as a constant reminder never to do anything as stupid as go on safari.

Combining the sublime pageantry of Tchaikovsky's "Nutcracker" with the bold futurism of Tchaikovsky's "Robot Nutcracker vs. Tarzan".

This hat kicks your ass so hard you'll fly into an alternate dimension where Vikings are robots. Deal with it!

Don't let those ninnies take yer good eye!

Extra! Extra! You're frickin' dead!

Gone Snipin'.

Gone Snipin'.

Gone Snipin'.

I kicked your ass so hard it went back in time and got me this VIKING HAT.

Get all of a boat captain's respect without the crushing responsibility of actually captaining a boat or the enormous amount of ongoing maintenance a boat requires!

Little known fact: knights in chess travel over other pieces by rocket jumping.

Wee! It's summer! We're having fun!
AH GOD IT'S BOLTED TO HIS HEAD!

Are you man enough to wear this brightly colored cowboy hat? Just in case you're not, we slapped a half-a-skull on it to ease you into the exciting new world of wearing this hat.

Earned by completing 5 objectives in 'The Great Steam Treasure Hunt'

The good, the bad, and the dead.

The good, the bad, and the dead.

Brown paper never looked so mildly disturbing.

Though some would stop at nothing to achieve hats, you remained resolute and incorruptible in your quest for head decorations. For that, you have been rewarded.

Left 4 You.

Turn routine melee attacks into environmental hate crimes with this adorable mask.

As a thought experiment, Medic has taken to wearing this mask, releasing innocuous gas into a room and screaming, "Dear god – the poison tanker has burst!" to see what people will do. So far, the tests have been inconclusive. Although, a couple people have died. So that's interesting.

How many crocodiles had to die to make this necklace? A lot. That's the point.

How many crocodiles had to die to make this necklace? A lot. That's the point.

How many crocodiles had to die to make this necklace? A lot. That's the point.

Just like steampunk ruined reading, the steampipe destroys the harmless pleasure of smoking by tarting it up with a lot of bolts and dials and Nikolai Teslas. Comes with period-appropriate Gary Oldman Dracula glasses!

Is that a miniature Spy in your pocket, or are you just happy to OH GOD STOP HITTING ME!

These pint-sized pain proxies combine the erotic mysticism of Haitian voodoo with the stultifying boredom of math.

These pint-sized pain proxies combine the erotic mysticism of Haitian voodoo with the stultifying boredom of math.

These pint-sized pain proxies combine the erotic mysticism of Haitian voodoo with the stultifying boredom of math.

Enter a world of imagination that's far superior to the crap-ass worlds of imagination you get from books. Pyrovision lets you see the TF2niverse from our favorite arsonist's perspective.

Watch as your enemies quake in fear at the sight of this tiny koala! Hear them scream at his horrifying little hat! Smell them reel in alarm at how deviously small it is! Warning: You may not be able to stand the terror yourself!

Alt-Fire: Gain increased attack power by
charging toward your enemies.

Alt-Fire: Gain increased attack power by
charging toward your enemies.

Toting around a 150-kilogram minigun gives those forearm muscles a nice workout. Show them off with these rolled-sleeved shirts, in your choice of argyle, lumberjack, rugby stripe or vertical pinstripe.

This nitrogen-cooled liquor locker can only be opened by punching in its constantly evolving polyalphabetic stream cipher, or with the big metal key scotch taped to the bottom.

This nitrogen-cooled liquor locker can only be opened by punching in its constantly evolving polyalphabetic stream cipher, or with the big metal key scotch taped to the bottom.

This nitrogen-cooled liquor locker can only be opened by punching in its constantly evolving polyalphabetic stream cipher, or with the big metal key scotch taped to the bottom.