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1 Scout
Head
10118
The Cross-Comm Express #10118
Level 32 Hat - Crafted
This full spectrum battle monocle receives signals from a satellite at light speed, which means you may have to slow down a little so they can catch up to you.
  • Crafted by Cpt.Freki[Sam the Talking Dog]
  • Craft number: 10118
Misc
The Long Fall Loafers
Level 63 Boots - Achievement
These curved titanium shock-absorbers connect to the base of your spine and run down the inside of both legs. Now when you fall from a great height, the agony of impact will be absorbed, then conveniently redistributed to your whole pain-wracked body.
  • Untradable
Described
License to Maim
Level 20 Badge - Achievement
This esteemed badge is given to those who just don't give a fuck
  • Untradable
Primary
Uncharitable Scattergun
Level 1 Uncharitable Scattergun - Found in Crate
  • Kills: 110
Secondary
Sufficiently Lethal Pistol
Level 1 Sufficiently Lethal Pistol - Found in Crate
  • Kills: 211
Melee
Face-Melting Frying Pan
Level 5 Face-Melting Frying Pan - Traded
  • Kills: 1274
Action
Genuine Shred Alert
Level 5 Special Taunt - Steam Purchase
Harness the unholy power of the Dark One (Yngwie Malmsteen) and crush your opponents with blistering riffs, lava-hot licks and emotionally crippling power ballads!
2 Sniper
Head
Genuine Lone Star
Level 1 Hat - Steam Purchase
You're runnin' the show in these here parts; you deserve a big hat with a star. The size of the hat is indicative of how much of the show you're running – which is all of it, by the way. Honestly, we really don't know how people get respect without this hat.
Misc
The Marxman
Level 5 Glasses - Purchased
Everyone knows laughter is the best medicine. But did you know that laughter is also the best disguise? No? Well, good thing you're not a cop infiltrating the Chinese mafia, then. Oh wait you are. AND NOW YOU'RE DEAD. Look, rookie, these glasses are hilarious.
  • Style: Yes, Cigar
  • Uncraftable
The Dual-Core Devil Doll
Level 26 Pocket Buddy - Found in Crate
These pint-sized pain proxies combine the erotic mysticism of Haitian voodoo with the stultifying boredom of math.
Primary
Genuine AWPer Hand
Level 1 Sniper Rifle - Steam Purchase
This controversial bolt-action beaut is banned in thousands of countries, and with good reason: You could really hurt someone with this thing.
Secondary
Uncharitable SMG
Level 1 Uncharitable SMG - Found in Crate
  • Kills: 131
Melee
Face-Melting Frying Pan
Level 5 Face-Melting Frying Pan - Traded
  • Kills: 1274
Action
Genuine Shred Alert
Level 5 Special Taunt - Steam Purchase
Harness the unholy power of the Dark One (Yngwie Malmsteen) and crush your opponents with blistering riffs, lava-hot licks and emotionally crippling power ballads!
3 Soldier
Head
Tyrantium Helmet
Level 35 Hat - Found in Crate
This hat kicks your ass so hard you'll fly into an alternate dimension where Vikings are robots. Deal with it!
Misc
11769
The Kringle Collection #11769
Level 35 Coat - Crafted
Do the snow-pants dance with this stylish holiday ensemble from famed Arctic designer Kristoff Kringle.
  • Crafted by Pixels ☪
  • Craft number: 11769
Lord Cockswain's Novelty Mutton Chops and Pipe
Level 70 Facial Hair - Purchased
  • Effect: Genteel Smoke
  • Uncraftable
Primary
Named
Thick meaty Wolf Cock
Level 5 Positively Inhumane Rocket Launcher - Found in Crate
  • Kills: 907
Secondary
Named
Bible Black Anal Buckshot
Level 1 Rage-Inducing Shotgun - Traded
  • Kills: 2478
Melee
Face-Melting Frying Pan
Level 5 Face-Melting Frying Pan - Traded
  • Kills: 1274
Action
Genuine Shred Alert
Level 5 Special Taunt - Steam Purchase
Harness the unholy power of the Dark One (Yngwie Malmsteen) and crush your opponents with blistering riffs, lava-hot licks and emotionally crippling power ballads!
4 Demoman
Head
NamedDescribed
  
Fu-Rin-Ka-Zan
Level 13 Hat - Found in Crate
To rid this world of evil I will become THE HAMMER OF JUSTICE!
  • Effect: Purple Energy
Painted with An Extraordinary Abundance of Tinge
Misc
Genuine King of Scotland Cape
Level 1 Cape - Steam Purchase
Capes are worn by only the most prestigious individuals. Kings. Dracula. Teenagers pretending they're wizards. Now you can join their illustrious ranks with this King of Scotland Cape. Wear it with pride, and make those prepubescents proud.
Genuine Blind Justice
Level 1 Facial Hair - Steam Purchase
Want to command respect from people standing at an indeterminate distance from your immediate right? Bolt on a platinum Pinkerton badge and experience the thrill for yourself!
Primary
NamedDescribed
The Harley Quinn Coconut Bazooka
Level 1 Hale's Own Grenade Launcher - Traded
Locked N' Loaded Mr.J!
  • Kills: 11522
  • Gib Kills: 5432
Secondary
NamedDescribed
The Ultimate Bang
Level 1 Hale's Own Stickybomb Launcher - Found in Crate
Final Ougi! The banished super ninjutsu...LET THE BLOODBATH BEGIN!
  • Kills: 8536
Melee
Face-Melting Frying Pan
Level 5 Face-Melting Frying Pan - Traded
  • Kills: 1274
Action
Genuine Shred Alert
Level 5 Special Taunt - Steam Purchase
Harness the unholy power of the Dark One (Yngwie Malmsteen) and crush your opponents with blistering riffs, lava-hot licks and emotionally crippling power ballads!
5 Medic
Head
Titanium Tyrolean
Level 20 Hat - Found in Crate
Meet the robot apocalypse in style with this puckish number, perfect for infiltrating the sentient mother computer located in the Swiss pavilion at Epcot Center.
Misc
Genuine Quadwrangler
Level 1 Science Project - Steam Purchase
This quantum-collared lab coat includes a handy rubber pipe that siphons blood from your heart, where it is not needed, to your shooting arm, where it is!
  
Summer Shades
Level 10 Glasses - Steam Purchase
These are famous.
  • Untradable
Painted with After Eight
Primary
Vintage Blutsauger
Level 5 Syringe Gun - Timed Drop
  • On Hit: +3 health
  • -2 health drained per second on wearer
Secondary
Unremarkable Medi Gun
Level 1 Unremarkable Medi Gun - Found in Crate
  • Ubers: 19
  • Kill Assists: 155
Melee
Vintage Ubersaw
Level 10 Bonesaw - Timed Drop
  • On Hit: 25% ÜberCharge added
  • 20% slower firing speed
Action
Taunt: The Schadenfreude
Level 5 Special Taunt - Purchased
Share a good natured laugh with everyone except that one guy you just shot.
  • Uncraftable
6 Heavy
Head
Genuine Brütal Bouffant
Level 1 Hair - Steam Purchase
This brutally heavy all-class sideburns and mullet combo was hand-sheared from the manes of Icelandic headbangers, woven with sigil-encrusted knitting needles of occult significance, and air-mailed straight out of hell.
Misc
Genuine Siberian Sophisticate
Level 1 Shirt - Steam Purchase
The shirt and tie let enemies know you're all business. But the short-sleeved vest tells them you're the kind of businessman who can't find a suit jacket that covers your huge guns.
  
Summer Shades
Level 10 Glasses - Steam Purchase
These are famous.
  • Untradable
Painted with After Eight
Primary
NamedDescribed
Ultimate Technique: Steel Rain
Level 1 Positively Inhumane Minigun - Found in Crate
There's nowhere to run...! RAINING SHURIKEN!
  • Kills: 971
Secondary
Vintage Sandvich
Level 1 Lunch Box - Traded
Melee
Face-Melting Frying Pan
Level 5 Face-Melting Frying Pan - Traded
  • Kills: 1274
Action
Genuine Shred Alert
Level 5 Special Taunt - Steam Purchase
Harness the unholy power of the Dark One (Yngwie Malmsteen) and crush your opponents with blistering riffs, lava-hot licks and emotionally crippling power ballads!
7 Pyro
Head
The Necronomicrown
Level 36 Hat - Achievement
Like all identical twins, you were born from a cyst in your sibling's neck, grew into an evil head, and eventually sloughed off your twin in your own exact duplicate body. Now you can't tell each other apart! Take out the guesswork with this identifying demonic skullcap.
  • Untradable
Misc
Whiskered Gentleman
Level 97 Facial Hair - Purchased
The most distinguished tape-on fire-retardant facial hair available, for the discerning gentleman of conflagration.
  • Uncraftable
Haunted Bonedolier
Level 58 Bones - Found in Crate
Scare your friends into thinking you're carrying around deadly grenades. Bask in their relief when it turns out they're only harmless human skulls.
Primary
Scarcely Lethal Flame Thrower
Level 1 Scarcely Lethal Flame Thrower - Found in Crate
  • Kills: 28
Secondary
Named
Bible Black Anal Buckshot
Level 1 Rage-Inducing Shotgun - Traded
  • Kills: 2478
Melee
Face-Melting Frying Pan
Level 5 Face-Melting Frying Pan - Traded
  • Kills: 1274
Action
Genuine Shred Alert
Level 5 Special Taunt - Steam Purchase
Harness the unholy power of the Dark One (Yngwie Malmsteen) and crush your opponents with blistering riffs, lava-hot licks and emotionally crippling power ballads!
8 Spy
Head
Genuine That '70s Chapeau
Level 1 Hat - Steam Purchase
Go incognito with this sunglasses and leather cap combo, the perfect disguise for infiltrating Huggy Bear lookalike conventions.
Misc
Genuine Distinguished Rogue
Level 1 Apparel - Steam Purchase
This coat does so much of the heavy lifting to make you look like a sophisticated man of espionage, you won't need to wear anything else at all. Watch those heads turn the next time you attend a fancy gala completely nude except for a coat. So jealous. How about that guy calling the police? Is HE jealous? Yeah he is.
  • Style: Epaulettes
The Dapper Disguise
Level 11 Mask - Achievement
Go incognito as a handsome man and enjoy the secret benefits of the exceptionally attractive. High-paying jobs! Erotic encounters! Free bread sticks at the Olive Garden! Eat as many as you can, though, because eventually the mask will rot off, leaving you uglier than before.
  • Untradable
Secondary
NamedDescribed
Mo Mhíle Stór
Level 1 Revolver - Timed Drop
My Beloved Treasure
Melee
The Black Rose
Level 1 Knife - Achievement
Slay it with flowers.
  • Untradable
Pda
Disguise Kit
Level 1 ...Cigarette Case?
Pda2
Vintage Dead Ringer
Level 5 Invis Watch - Traded
  • Cloak Type: Feign Death
  • +80% cloak regen rate
  • +60% cloak drain rate
Building
Sapper
Level 1 Sapper
Action
Genuine Shred Alert
Level 5 Special Taunt - Steam Purchase
Harness the unholy power of the Dark One (Yngwie Malmsteen) and crush your opponents with blistering riffs, lava-hot licks and emotionally crippling power ballads!
9 Engineer
Head
Texas Tin-Gallon
Level 64 Hat - Found in Crate
It's a historical fact that in cowboy times, cloth was hard to come by. Creative cowpokes kept the sun out of their eyes by making hats out of what they had in abundance: sheet-metal trees and bolt cactuses.
Misc
Genuine Pip-Boy
Level 10 Armband - Steam Purchase
Using modern super-deluxe resolution graphics!
The Texas Half-Pants
Level 47 Apparel - Crafted
It's pants... Texas Style! These crotchless leather leggings are perfect if you already own pants. Note: To be used as auxiliary pants only. Please do not employ as primary source of pants.
  • Crafted by Cpt.Freki[Sam the Talking Dog]
  • Style: Midnight
Primary
Named
Bible Black Anal Buckshot
Level 1 Rage-Inducing Shotgun - Traded
  • Kills: 2478
Secondary
Sufficiently Lethal Pistol
Level 1 Sufficiently Lethal Pistol - Found in Crate
  • Kills: 211
Melee
Positively Inhumane Wrench
Level 1 Positively Inhumane Wrench - Traded
  • Sentry Kills: 987
  • Kills: 411
  • Cloaked Spies Killed: 5
Pda
Construction PDA
Level 1 PDA
Pda2
Destruction PDA
Level 1 PDA
Building
PDA
Level 1 PDA
Action
Genuine Shred Alert
Level 5 Special Taunt - Steam Purchase
Harness the unholy power of the Dark One (Yngwie Malmsteen) and crush your opponents with blistering riffs, lava-hot licks and emotionally crippling power ballads!