Left 4 You.

If you close an eye, one of the teams will disappear. So don't do that.

Read a book – or at least look like you can – with this vintage educational ensemble. Be the B.M.O.C. (Big Mouth on Campus) of your own make-believe Ivy League!

Left 4 You.

This battlefield awareness bandanna is stitched with nanofibers that can download battlefields from Wikipedia straight to your face, so you will never not be aware of them.

If owls are so smart, why did this one let you glue it to your shoulder? Come to think of it, neither one of you is looking like a super-genius on this one.

Left 4 You.

Whether it's lying at the bottom of a dusty tomb or hiding in plain sight in the cavity behind someone's eyeballs, any treasure is just one swing away with this trusty adventure axe.

Throughout the history of civilization, the white beard has come to symbolize wisdom and status. Show the world it's possible to be bearded AND stupid with this Heavy- and Soldier-specific face-nest. Shove it, civilization!

Left 4 You.

This shoulder-mounted feathered friend comes in any color you like, and is so full of whiskey it couldn't fly off if it wanted to. Great to have around if you decide to eat it—just turn your head and bite!

Forget coffee, lad. THIS'll wake ye up on a cold winter morning.

Equip this item in your Action Slot and press the Action button to tell your victims you are making a Replay of their pathetic demise to share with everyone.

Left 4 You.

Before Archimedes came into the Medic's care, he made his living through wedding dovery. A lucrative trade, but he always felt something was missing. He looks back on the day that the Medic stole that catering van during the prime minister's wedding as the best day of his life. He's been burrowing into the chests of unwitting patients ever since.

Movement speed increases based on ÜberCharge percentage to a maximum of +10%

Applies a bonus effect for a limited amount of time when used. Must first be filled at an Upgrade Station and can only be filled with one bonus type at a time.

Left 4 You.

Wee! It's summer! We're having fun!
AH GOD IT'S BOLTED TO HIS HEAD!

Toting around a 150-kilogram minigun gives those forearm muscles a nice workout. Show them off with these rolled-sleeved shirts, in your choice of argyle, lumberjack, rugby stripe or vertical pinstripe.

Left 4 You.

Humorously vellicating vitreous.

Left 4 You.

Trick your enemies into thinking you are the doorman at a classy hotel. By the time they get wise, you'll be miles away with their car and luggage, rummaging through their clothes and laughing at them.

This battlefield awareness bandanna is stitched with nanofibers that can download battlefields from Wikipedia straight to your face, so you will never not be aware of them.

Equip this item in your Action Slot and press the Action button to tell your victims you are making a Replay of their pathetic demise to share with everyone.

Left 4 You.

Little known fact: cats are fantastic engineers. Go ahead and ask about it next time you see one. In case you don't speak feline, "meow" means "that cantilever is deflected over its g-type joist girder." It's probably going to say that a lot.

Whether it's the rugged charm of your chin locks or the fumes from the overripe pomade, the ladies are sure to swoon whenever you're near. Shave it off while they're dazed and pretend you saved them from a bear attack when they awake. Works every time.

Take manual control of your Sentry Gun